Thanks so much for your post. I really appreciate you writing that and it does help me feel better. I don’t know if it truly applies to how my H. feels, but I’d sure like to think so (less painful). One thing I want to keep in the forefront of my mind is to actually use control before I react to anything my H. says or does. I need to stop reacting based upon emotion. Next time we interact, I will practice this. there isn't room for us right now I definitely agree. H. is completely caught up in thinking only about himself. I just don't think they can fully understand the consequences of their actions and how their behaviors affect others I think my H. has a very good idea of how all of this is affecting me, but he’s so convinced of his unhappiness that he is doing everything he can to alter his situation so he isn’t unhappy anymore—even at my expense. I do think he is sorry for that, but he’s determined to not be unhappy anymore, so he’s going to step all over me on his way out of our relationship.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I need to stop reacting based upon emotion. I'll tell you what i do, and not just with my H. Before reacting to something, I count to 10 (in my head). Sounds cheesy, but trust me, it works. Just those few seconds gives me a chance to really think about what is being said to me before i fly off the handle and say something that i know i will regret. Try it.
I will; thank you. I think after reading finally_free’s posts there is one thing I picked up and that is how he says his wife would give him reasons to justify his anger. I think I still do this for my H. because I keep reacting based upon emotion. I must stop doing that!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
You are welcome. And speaking of finally_free...i just posted over on his thread. It is totally unlike me to confront someone, but i just had to do it.
My new goal, incase you are interested, is to get finally free off of page one. I posted to about 8 threads, was pretty proud of myself, and there he is back at number one.
My new goal, incase you are interested, is to get finally free off of page one. I posted to about 8 threads, was pretty proud of myself, and there he is back at number one.
Quote: I keep reacting based upon emotion. I must stop doing that!
So absolutely true. And, unfortunately, as our Hs know us best, they know just how to push our buttons.
I've spent a lot of time trying to get my emotions in check. For a while I realized that every interaction with my H involved a discussion of our R and tears and yelling. Why would anyone want to come home to that? I can definitely understand why my H pulled away from me.
hi Hope. I don't think I've posted to you before, but read your response to my long post on FF's thread about hearing the same verse "be still" to prayers. I just wanted to say that I know what you mean about feeling like giving up in the 5 months. This stuff can take forever, and I mean that, it sure seems like forever. I felt like quitting so many many times. I cant count the times. and I would be so angry at H's accusations and nastiness, he was just crazed at times. and that voice would come to my mind....be still...and I would try. And it seems to have helped. Finally, Finally, after nearly 3 years and gallons of tears and so many break-ups and reconcilliations between them...H really does seem to be "done" with monster. So, Hope, if the little voice deep down keeps telling you to keep going, listen to it. God's timeframe is not the same as ours. And, as my mother pointed out to me once, one way that Satan works is to work on US, by making us discouraged to the point of throwing in the towel. That shocked me, I was so aware of how Satan was blinding H, it never occurred to me that he was getting to me as well through the discouragement I felt.
deb Once I walked with the devil, I didn't even realize it b/c, ofcourse I belive in God, ofcourse I was convinced that my way was the right way. then it hit me. and I let it all go. I will never go there again. I came to realize that Satan also believes in God and with that recognition he begins his infultration into our hearts. Its an old adage about keeping your eye on the enemy which satan has perfected. It ofcourse does not mean that he will win
I'm having a difficult evening; don't know why. I don't feel very strong and very much would like to call H. but I won't. I know he is off tonight, so maybe that's why the urge...because I don't know where he is. deb, I really appreciate you posting to me. When I read what you wrote today it made me sit up and take notice. Lately, I've felt like giving up completely, but maybe I was supposed to read your post today and let it give me strength; let it tell me to be still. Deb, I've got to say, 3 years is a long time. I give you a lot of credit. I don't know if I can do this that long. I don't even know I would want to. I do love my H. very much, but I should point out that I don't think he would allow this to go on that long. He's already talked to me about a D. although nothing has been filed. shocked, today isn't the day to give up, so I won't. I know I need to have more faith and let H. figure this out all by himself. Maybe he will, maybe not. I've been considering that I really haven't been detaching (i.e., not pursuing) for very long; maybe about a month now. Perhaps if I keep it up, it will make a difference. Can't hurt to try at this point. The support I receive here is priceless; I've said this many times. I would not know what to do if it weren't for the people on this board. Thanks so much for caring and posting today, because I really needed to hear it.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
