I think a lot of us probably feel that way about our WAH’s. Maybe there is even a part of them that realizes the man they were wouldn’t like who they’ve become now. To be fair, I really don’t think my H. is very proud of himself.
I read more of finally_free’s posts. I don’t think my H. feels all that similar to him. Finally_free seems to want to be married if his wife’s changes are real; my H. is saying I’m not the one that needs to change; he is, and that he just doesn’t want to be married right now. Still, it’s interesting to read a WAH’s thoughts here. I definitely agree that his wife is DB’ing and doing very well with it. Maybe with some gentle encouragement from this board, her H. will give reconciliation a try. I wonder if she posts here, and who she is???
I haven’t heard from H. in a couple of days. I think he is off the next few; no idea if he’s planning to stop over. I don’t ask anymore, or call him. Doesn’t mean I’m not thinking about it though. I don’t know his thoughts, but I so wish that I knew if during quieter times he still thinks about the possibility of coming back.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Such things certainly make us wonder, don't they? I've thought some about that too in the last 24 hours. Reading over these legal papers and imagining moving forward with this court stuff makes me sometimes wonder why H chose this path. And oftentimes I wonder if *he* wonders that. Five months ago, we seemed happily married. Now, we're battling things out in court??? It just doesn't make sense, and it seems to me that he'd just want to wave the white flag at this point and remember all the good times we had; they, in fact, far outweigh the bad ones. But now our R has been reduced to spitting matches in courtrooms?? And why? Who or what for??
But with all that being said, I don't know what my H's thinking, and I probably wouldn't *want* to know. And regardless, it really doesn't change my path.
Likewise with you. I'm happy for you not calling him, even though I know you still think of him all the time.
Just keep walking through the fire, Hope. There's an end out there somewhere.
Quote: I think a lot of us probably feel that way about our WAH’s. Maybe there is even a part of them that realizes the man they were wouldn’t like who they’ve become now. To be fair, I really don’t think my H. is very proud of himself.
After talking with CJ last night about my talk with Dave and his behaviour I'm going to agree with you here. CJ has known him a few years more than me. She's in agreement that he's not happy, he knows he's not happy, he's lying to himself and he knows I can see straight through him. He's still blaming it all on me and still trying to make me hurt. She thinks the best thing I did for me was to tell him off. Because for 5yrs I held it all in...CA anyone? Never said that I was hurting, in pain, blah blah...and now I have FINALLY called him on his behaviour...whether he HEARD me or not, he heard me voice my displeasure and stand up for myself. She said that alone was what needed to be done for me. She saw my standing up for myself as Dave you do WTF you want you but I know what you're doing...now she said the key was to put those actions of mine to work. Kill em with kindness...treat him just like I do everyone else...so he cannot see there is a difference...he's my friend just like David, Dan, Alan...any of the folks that are next door. I did that the other day...when I pick up blondie everyday, I drop in to see if anyone wants coffee on the way back...did the same thing the other day...but it was him there and no one else. He answered politely. That's all I want.
Great line I heard last night on a Sex in the City Rerun...Someone was referring to baggage in a relationship and I believe it was Samantha that said it was more like the baggage carousel at JFK...
I'll visit FF posts later on when I can take a break.
Hugs to you babe, see you in a bit over a week!! Books and perfume put away for you!!
The man I was married to would not like the guy my H has turned into Back to the phenomenon of Aliens has taken much interest in the intricacies of the human brain. And at this point in time, has taken your H's brain custody to run numerous complicated experiments. And they have replaced a very poor alien-manufactured and programmed artificial brain. As the Aliens are still studying and running the experiments on the REAL brain, they still have not mastered the workings of the human brain, so, the "temporary" one that they have put in place is a sub-standard one...and that is WHY though your H looks the same, is just NOT the same....
Marvelous explanation, yoyo. That’s what it seems like for sure. Sassy, books and perfume? Ah, 2 of my favorite things. Can’t wait to have lunch. But now our R has been reduced to spitting matches in courtrooms?? And why? Who or what for?? It’s such a waste, isn’t it? I know for most of us here, it doesn’t have to be this way with our H’s. We’re willing to work at it and I don’t understand how they can be ok with not even giving it a try. It makes no sense to me. I don’t always want to wonder.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I just read finally_free's thread...And i have to say that this guy made me really mad. Yeah, great, he is being honest. But to insinuate that, as the LBS's, this is all OUR fault is not only hurtful, but ignorant. Nobody is perfect. It takes 2 to make it work. I have so many things to say about this guy, but i don't know if i should say it here, or really give him a piece of my mind.
Is this an official hijack? I posted to finallyfree. I tried to be positive but I hate a lot of the things he said. I am just trying to use his real, or fake, experience and comments to maybe understand a little bit about myself or my W, the same as I do with all the threads here. Give him hell Imdi!
Morning Hope- I know that you don't feel powerful right now, and i have felt the same way. But, you do have power over how you will react to your H, what you will do, and how long you will hang on. I think we both need to take back some control over our lives. I am sorry that you feel unloved and taken advantage of. I've certainly felt the same way. But, i try to look at this way: if my H didn't love me, he could act a lot more hateful towards me. Like i said before, i think they do love us, but they love themselves more. For whatever reason, there isn't room for us right now. I don't know if that helps, but i hold on to the fact that my H does love me, but just not how i want him to. I just don't think they can fully understand the consequences of their actions and how their behaviors affect others. B/c they are too wrapped up in their "perfect" world with ow. Anyway, just my 2 cents.
