Been reading more on depression. Guess what? It seems a lot of LBS's with depressed H's agree that these men show very little affection (hugging, kissing, holding hands) while under depression's spell. Boy did this hit home for me. I really wish I had known H is depressed long before now. Maybe we could have done something about it before infidelity entered the R.
I feel the same as you--I think I'm done, then I think I want him to be the one to end it (file) because why should I? And then I get scared and hope he won't.
Rollercoaster.
I'm trying to be strong, but I feel I have very little fight left in me tonight.
It is not just husbands that react that way, my wife showed little to no affection also! I too wish I knew that back then, yet the hard part is realizing we can't change the past. You mentioned hope! Hope is something strong, and as long as you still have some hope keep going! I know personally over the last few days that I have gained strength from the fact that I am comfortable with the proposition that the R may end, but I still have a strong hope and desire to work things out! It sounds strange because I have gained strength from the comfort that my R may end. This is because I feel I am doing what I can to help change our R for the better and I can look back years from now and know I did the best I could and put a 100% into saving my marriage! I visualize, and think about this: "I hope I can look back with my W beside me and laugh how stupid we both were at that point in our marriage and realize how much we have grown since then!"
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
