I just caught up on everything, and you do seem to be in a better place today. I had a long talk with my mom and aunt yesterday, and i gotta tell you, i was pretty insightful. Wish i could remember some of it now, as it did pertain to the sitch that we find ourselves in.
I do want to comment on something from your old thread about the L issue. You and H could see a mediator together. The mediator we saw is a lawyer, so he knew about all of the legal stuff. He was a neutral party who DID bring up all issues that an individual lawyer would. He talked about alimony, pensions, social security, etc. I certainly didn't feel shortchanged by not having my own attorney. He also recommended that my H and I each have our own attorneys review the agreement that he wrote up. We didn't, but i felt that the mediator was fair. It was certainly cheaper and less antagonistic. So, keep this in mind as an option, when the time comes.
A lot of the things your H says to you sound like justifications. He is trying to justify his actions. And convince himself that what he is doing is the right thing. You do need to go dark. I know its hard, but it is the only way, i think, that you are going to maintain your sanity. As hard as it is for me not to talk to my H every day, and i do get upset when he doesn't call, i believe that this lessened contact allows me the opportunity to see things a bit more objectively, if not less emotionally. Does that make sense? Constant interaction with your H is only going to make you think and wonder what he means. You literally need to take a breath from all of this crap. And thats okay. I think when we talk to them too frequently, it stirs everything up inside of us and we can't think straight. So, give yourself the break. Someone said that you need to detach from the emotions of the sitch...that is exactly right. You have as much a say in how this plays out as your H does. Its time for you to take back control of your life. So, you start making the decisions. If you don't want to talk about something, then don't. If you aren't ready to take the next step, then don't. Allow yourself some time to digest everything. Prepare yourself for the potential "legal" meeting. Make sure you know what you want, then let him present his proposal. You need to make this about you now. Its been about your H for too long.
Okay, sorry if that came out harsh or strong. Had to get it out.
I hope you had a nice day and were able to get out shopping for the dress for your brothers wedding. It is cold here...i stayed in all day. Take care.
