I agree--much easier said than done...but, it's a practiced art. Detaching without stopping caring. It's taken me a long time to get that through my head...that detaching is actually a form of unconditional love...that lets you let them be, to accept and love. I guess loving is a practiced art too!!
For me, it's a finding the balance between not taking things too seriously (spiraling with the negativity and assuming the worst) and taking the right things seriously, which I neglected in my M. Like being aware of Hs feelings and how things I do/said might affect him, really listening to what he said, etc.
It's not so hard when you think about it and write, but harder when in practice, I agree. Should be simple, eh? Well, we shall see in our journey's!
Hiya always - I'm still thinking about the awesome post on my thread
You know, it only worked for me because, hard as it was, I waited (not always successfully) for the BIG talk. H had to be ready. He had to put down his anger, pick what he wanted to say, it takes 2 to talk and 2 to be ready.
This sounds huge. The breakthrough must have given you so many clues as to what needed to be worked on. Does he know how much you appreciate the openness?
You know, I feel sad for H too. I know it's hard to come home and be with someone who is emotionally up and down...makes him feel like he can do nothing right to make me happy, which is his biggest goal in our M. That's gotta be defeating. So, why WOULD he want to try? He feels that he always fails. It's just that he doesn't do the simple things that he knows mean a lot to me....like he's afraid to even try. He said that when the bomb dropped...that he was afraid to try, afraid of failing. I can see why work is more satisfying than being with me...it's almost like he's made himself immuned to having any desire to make me happy or be with me....he knows that he's always a disappointment?? I guess it's what I'm feeling now too, and maybe always have. I stopped trying or wanting to try.
This was so sad for me to read. I hope it was a short phase and that things are looking much better. Let us know how you are doing now?
Betsey 
