Thanks for the splash of cold water!!! The reality check is exactly what I needed.
Over the past week, it's occured to me that I'm still standing too close to the fire. I think I detach, find peace, and at times I do, but still, it's short lived. Understandable, since I'm scared of losing something very dear. But, analyzing, panicking, reacting, are all things that don't work--I know that. I can see it with others, but not with me. Being too close to the heat contributes to the need to measure progress, being attached to outcomes and being too focused on R talks. I'm feeling blind in all of this...losing trust and security in my own instincts. It's been weeks since I've listened to my gut, that I focused on the long term light, that I wrote little goals for myself. I've thought for a while now that I lost the focus on changing ME, on keeping things up and becoming better...on re-reading books and my own notes and journal entries. I spent a little time doing that today, and BOY, did I have some insight and being reminded of action steps was powerful in getting me out of the funk. I also need to refocus on other aspects of life that allow me to naturally detach, help me feel confident and take pressure off of H and M too. It helps me to be patient with the process (you can see patience is a BIG area I need to work on--it comes from trusting yourself, though).
You're right, WCW....you can't help but to absorb the other sitch's...to top it off, I'm usually a VERY private person, it took me months to get on this board, so I guess I'm not so good at talking about these things and relating to other stories in a normal way. The advice I get here is wonderful, the insight from other sitchs (like Strong's how I mirror her H in ways) is insight that is precious...seeing strategies implemented by others is powerful, as is seeing everyone's tenacity and strength. BUT, time to refocus on my R.
I think for the past few weeks, I've been lazy, getting through each day with no planning or anticipation and mental training of reactions; I lost sight of being proactive & positive, of reminding myself of patience, of setting small goals. I've just reacted, plodded along and fell on old tracks again.
Strong, you have no idea how much it helps me to see your thoughts on how your H makes you feel. You're right, in ways we're in the same shoes...and it helps to see how I need to make BIG 180 changes and not go back and forth on them and also control my emotions...it will only push H away. To be honest, as much as I expect him to come around, I look at my expectations and see that I feel much as he does...so we both need time. I need to be honest that it's hard for me too, I'm not ready for normal yet, this is going to be slow and will be better for it.
Good day overall. I was impatient and rude to H (not R related, but rather me being work-business impatient self) about a work thing and he was mad. He NEVER tells me when he's angry; I was so happy he expressed himself. I immediately said sorry, and handled in a very 180 way for me. It was an effort the whole way, but I was THINKING, not just REACTING. I tried hard to detach from his emotions and mine.
We're running errands tonight. I'm feeling overwhelmed with work and personal stuff for the next few days. I reached out to H and asked for his thoughs, to vent, and ask for his help--never do this usually. It was hard and I waffled, almost bailed. But I did it. That was nice (I usually don't ask for help b/c he's always so BUSY, and then get mad at him for not helping...so passive aggressive, another dirty habit!). I was nonchalant when he didn't seem enthused to help...then he wanted to help, so I accepted. I didn't let it go either, b/c I feel it's fair that we BOTH make time for our life together (social/personal) when things get busy for both of us.
OK, better at controlling the moods...will be hard with the PMS attack!!!
