Well, I dashed (read stomped on) the "hope" I had for a nice evening. I don't know what happened. I have no idea.
Had a meltdown tonight. Bad. Cried. H was there...triggered by him. I was shocked when it all came out....I think it must have been me suppressing.
Long and pointless story really. Just that I need to rebound, figure out what in the world happened, and accept that we're still feeling our way through this, together and alone. It's OK, it's normal. Right???
I'm scared. I'm scared that I think I'm giving this my best, and I'm really not....that there's something out there that I'm missing, that I'm ruining my one last shot at the most beautiful thing in my life. I guess I'm scared of losing it....of thinking that we may have had a few good days, but things are still headed down the wrong track. I feel like I'm poking through this blind at times.
