Good advice. I do trust him. But, I still think there may be friends he calls on that phone b/c he doesn't want me to find out. I don't think there is anything there, but still, the thought of it is weird.
I have been good today, still feelings...if we really want to work on this we have to work on trust. I'm making a leap to trust him and believe him. BUT, I don't want a M where we have secret phones or think we have to keep certain calls secret. I hate that and don't want that. That's part of why I cried so hard, and I told him that, thisis not the M I want. At the same time, I don't want to demand, like I always do, andhe hates. I don't want to say, get rid of that phone. I figure if you're doing something that youdon't want to reveal to your spouse, probably something you shouldn't be doing in the first place, simple as that.
SO, I have no idea how to approach this. I want to tell him that I trust him, beileve him. I'm sorry he thinks he needs to have a phone for a separate part of his life. I hope that he can learn to trust me too. I can't force that. Should I say something more? Should I leave it at that? I mean, OF COURSE this is hard for me to handle and I mistrust him....he lied about a FF who he had intense contact with and now has a secret phone....what the hell would anyone else think? Even writing it here, I sound like an blind and stupid wife. I think I have a little right to ask about things.
I don't know. I'm getting worked up again, and I also realize the FRAGILE state we're in...I don't want to wreck that with my demands, if he would come around on his own anyway. Maybe this is a 180 chance for me....keep my mouth shut about it, and see what he does....return the phone, stop using it (how would I know?).
I hate all this pretending, acting. I hate this distance, and being with someone I know so little about and constantly find these new things....I hate this. Ugh.
