You are the BEST!!! OK, if you insist, I'll have another beer for you...WCW, let's start on virgin drinks first, eh?
Slowly, You bring up some GREAT points. No, he did not have a PA. Of course, that is trust, but I am fairly sure I know when he is lying. Also, when I first found the phone records, I knew before I asked him that it was not physical. Stupid, who knows. YES, of COURSE I questioned, about 1 million times (too many) if the phone was really from his parents, he looked me in the eye and said yes. I asked if he talked to others on it, and he said, yes, but no one in particular....and hardly uses the phone. Just some times when he calls parents b/c free cell-to-cell. You know, I trusted him. I tossed and turned, but when he answered, I believed it. He was really sad that I did not trust him anymore and had to assume the worst. Am I being naive? Ugh, this does sound bad, huh? I know he doesn't talk to previous FF anymore, but who knows about others....I asked if there was someone else, even a good friend, and he said no. That could be a lie, but counselor said that since things are tough, and communication was killed by me, I could not ask if he talked to friends to get through a rough time. OK, I'll take that. Ihave no idea whether he has revealed to other friends about us, he may have months ago, but I don't know about now. He works really late, and who knows if he talks to others then. He's not Mr. Social Butterfly on the phone--well, at least not with me.
No, you're not sending me into an emotional tizzy, all things that popped into my head to begin with. And, I hope he would NOT lie about the phone, because eventually I can ask them straight out about it.
Let me ask, are there signs I should be looking for? I feel I know him well, his tendencies, his moods, his aptitude for lying and doing something like that and coming home to me, and I feel that there is no PA, in my gut (and I am a VERY suspicious person of him now)....BUT, don't want to be stupid.
Here is what I am planning for tonight....let me know what you think. He mentioned that he felt that this morning was a "restart" button in a way....since we had told each other what hurt the most about how we felt about the other...the worst of the truth. I asked him that on that note, if there was something else, like the phone, that he wanted to tell me...anything. He said no. I will ask him again. I did tell him that I had serious trust issues with him, he knows that and is sad. BUT, he said he lied about things b/c it would get me mad/paranoid, and also, we were not on the best terms and very distant in each others lives. BUT, tonight, I will say that on his suggestion, we are starting over to move closer to each other and work on this in earnest. That means that tonight, and this week even, is amnesty to confess anything, everything. That if afterwards something comes out, trust will be seriously lost, even if something small. That I will not freak, nothing. Even if you think I will not know, for the sake of integrity of our M, tell me. I think I will tell him about this BB. And, if you still can't tell me, then stop it. At this point, nothing to come between us. Maybe harsh, but really, why go half on effort.
Yes, lots of positives also. Thanks for the reminders. I called to apologize about the conversation, and it was good that I did. I didn't want him to go the day thinking that Iwas mad at him. He understood, we talked a lot, and I vented how I felt. I confessed that I didn'twant to vent to him, just buck up, then realized that this was a behavior that I did that came from distrust of him, moved me away instead of closer. So, I said I wanted to call, and vent to him, to reach out to him, my friend. One step at a time.
Why do ILs hate me? I think they are really being protective of H now. All they can remember is how unhappy he was in the beginning, and how he wanted to leave. Then they went into OD to get ready for his D meltdown. He said he feels ashamed and guilty for telling them, had no idea it would come to this. They have NO influence, if anything, he has cut them out a lot, talks to them little (so he says, and I kinda believe that), and cuts out talk about us b/c they are not supportive. He has had issues with his parents and he said weeks ago that I always came before them, no matter what.
I feel much better now.....went out with a friend to some silly shopping (OK, I LOVE the Dollar store, cheap thrills). I feel a lot better. I also feel better being on the same track with H--at least in the right direction.
WCW...I KNOW it will happen for you too. IT takes a LOT to get around that corner of reaching out to ecah other, and then you wonder why in the world it's so dang hard. How we ever lost that to begin with. TRUST....really, that's what it comes down to. IT's a decision. Decide to trust.
