Thoughts floating through my head as I lay down to sleep last night....
Nice night. H didn't come home until after I had slept, and I had spent the evening doing boring chores, but felt calm and peaceful. So nice=he had gone out of town and brought back yummy desserts, and came into the room to see if I was still awake to eat them (at 11pm??!!!--OK, I'm game!!). I could see that he was eager for me to eat the treat, so I got up and did, while he ate dinner that I had made. We had a really nice chat, as he shared his excitement over new projects at work. We were friends.
Several times last night I stopped to think about how I was feeling--peaceful and content. It was nice. I thought of past things that would usually make me mad, and I did not get a rise. I thought of the future, and was excited in a way to get things done in many aspects of life (as we all do--those small and large goals). I wasn't excited, ecstatic, joyous, enthused===just peaceful and content.
Then I thought, perhaps this is what love is. Not the giddy, butterflies, heart-stopping fireworks, the stomach in your mouth. Maybe it's peace and content. Maybe we've been trained to see that as "settling" or not good enough, and the cue to look for something (or someone) more. Of course, the giddy butterflies are wonderful, and if I could bottle that feeling of first love, I would be RICH woman. But, is that what makes it last? Is that what I should set as a goal, what I should be waiting for, something fleeting? Maybe we need the sparks in the beginning to make the bond (like chemistry, the most energy is spent on making the strong bond b/w molecules, and after that it is low energy to keep it together). H brought a treat, which he used to do, stopped and now did again. That is our spark now, little kind acts for someone you love. He told me that once, long ago, when he saw a poem he wrote. He said to me that his love then was desperate, crazy, and now he loves me more in many ways, but shows me by doing chores around the house, building a shelf, getting a dessert.
Maybe it's time we started looking for the little sparks, and to know that peace and content is true love.
Sorry for being so cheesy....just some thoughts on my mind of marriage and expectations. I know that this stuff is written everywhere, but I just came to the realization recently. It's nothing earthshattering, but worth me thinking about.
