Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to help me with my situation. I appreciate all of you and all that you have done to help me.

I have come to realize that I am not StrongEnough....infact, I am very weak. I feel I no longer have control over my emotions and I can't go on like this. My children are too good for this, they deserve a mother who is strong and not someone like me. My whole family deserves better. I am just a screwed up, hopeless, helpless little girl, I don't even think I qualify to say I am an adult. I don't deserve the blessings god has bestowed upon me.

I wish you all the luck, love and success in the world.

[Becca1975]

SE....You ok? You couldn't be more wrong. You ARE strong. You are a great parent and I think we all know what you are feeling. You will get through this....we all will get through it. It is just gonna take time. ((((hugs)))))

[Keyster43]

SE,
We are getting together tomorrow evening. The Three Muskateers need a fourth and are it. I understand that you are having a difficult time right now. If you cant make it we understand, but we really would enjoy your company and perhaps we can help at least get your PMA up again. You are Strong Enough and you know it. Just think about how and what you did in the past. Someone weak would never have pulled themselves up and re-created themself. Get in touch with C4H and let us know whats going on...okay .

AK

[StrongEnough]

HI everyone. Thanks for the support but I needed a break from this board and from life.

My situation has quickly spiraled out of control. There have been a lot of fights, arguing and screaming and scared children. H moved into the basement. I have other family issues going on as well outside of the house.

Well, everything came to a head today. I told H that for now, I think it's best we seperate and alleviate the stress, tension and anxiety in the house. H fought the idea, blamed me for everything but eventually left taking only his cigarettes and his pills.(anti-depressants)

Right now, I am lost and confused. I won't dredge up all the nasty details, but things here have been terrible lately and my H's pateince was wearing thin with me and the kids. My D10 actually agreed with me that she felt it best we live apart for now, and even though she is sad, she didn't like what was going on in the house. She told me she had never seen her dad be so mean to me and that wasn't the dad she knew......and that she was afraid of him. I won't risk my children's well-being and mental health. H needs to get a grip on his anxiety, anger and control issues. Until then, we will only stay in the same vicious circle of behavior. So, (C4H) I think I have figured out how to break that circle. The rest is in God's hands now. I hope he keeps H safe.

I did tell H that I would like us both to continue with IC and then incorporate MC. He didn't seem interested in that, only on placing blame. So, I am backing off and letting him calm down.....then we can discuss the seperation rules and so forth.

Looks like I shouldn't be posting in piecing anymore. Actually, I don't know if there even a forum for my situation here.

~SE

[Keyster43]

SE,
Yes there is...it is Newcomers, even though you have been through this before. Then there is always the New England DBers club; home base somewhere...in New Hamster. Where exactly is, however, TOP SECRET! So come and join us .

AK

[WCW]

Tough day for you, but you handled it. Take care of you, and the kids.

I've often thought I too should be in a different forum, but they don't have one for 'separated but living together'. Wherever you want to post is just fine, but don't disappear.

[StrongEnough]

Thanks AK. Maybe Newcomer's is where I belong. I really need to start over with a fresh mind and new attitude.

H and I have done a lot of talking today. We both agree that it wasn't healthy the way things have been going. We have been back together too long to still be going through some of the stuff we are. He is staying at a hotel, giving me time to think about what I want to do. Last night, when he left, he left his wedding band on my bureau. In this house, and in our life, that's a strong statement. I figured he was done. He called me this morning, asked if I needed anything at the store, and then he stopped by. After we were done talking, he went to get some more clothes and he put his ring back on. He really wants to try and work this out.....and we both need to make changes in order for that to happen, he needs to control his temper and anger and I need to let down my super thick wall.

He is giving me time to figure out whether or not I can do that.

Now, for the New England DB'ers club, I would be honored to be a member. As long as I am not expected to flirt with the waitresses too!

[StrongEnough]

WCW- Thanks. I am doing the best I can to take care of the kids and myself. I won't disappear again. I think I made it through that phase. (I sure hope I have it's an awful place to be)

[Just_Me]

Strongenough,

Forgive me if I repeat what has already been said or advised already. It's hard to get through a whole thread.

This is advice I'm giving myself as well because I'm at the beginning of this process. I know where you are coming from with posting on the newcomers and understanding what they are going through and what advice to give. We've been there and done that. But if you are like me, you are a little lost about what to do when DBing works. I think that is because many of us followed the same path in the book...what to do "after the bomb", which primarily means LRT and focusing on your self-improvements and not your spouse. So the rest of the book went essentially unused. I think it's probably time to pick it back up and figure out how to achieve what you want by doing something different. We never got the chance to work towards R goals when the spouse was out of the picture. It's probably time to start working on R goals more while maintaining the positive personal goals.

[StrongEnough]

Just_Me......thanks for the post. Now that I think about it, you are so right. We focus so much on ourselves when we are seperated and moving on, that when/if DB works, we don't know what to do. Gee...I wasn't even aware the was anything in those books about what to do if you are successful!!!!!

I wish I still had my books, I haven't bought them again yet. I think I need to go get them and reread. Again.

Thanks again for the insights. It really gives me something to think about.