Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

st- thanks you make a lot of sense with what you say. It is true we are stuck in ther action/reaction/action cycle. It's hard to see just where you can stop it though.

I wish I knew what reality was too. I don't know if he's looking for an out or bluffing, but if I call him on it, and he leaves.....there's always going to be that "what if". Then again, I think no matter what there will always be the "what ifs".

H and I don't know how to have a healthy relationship. We never had one. Our M was always shaky, filled with lies and deceit, insecurities, control, manipulation, etc. We have both changed. I am working on me and will continue to do so. But, it seems the more I work on me, the more angry and distant H becomes because I am not focusing on fixing us. We both have our own personal issues that need to be addressed before we can even try to move forward. He just started C so he is just now starting to see his issues.

I try to never act on instinct. I am also very analytical.

And no, none of this IS easy.
~SE