Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

This roller coaster ride is getting crazy.

H has been out of sorts lately. Well, last night he was very short with me. This morning, after he didn't take my call on his cell while he was working and called me back 2 hours later, I told him that I felt he was pulling away. That soon he would be looking for an out. He said he was sorry if I felt that way, but if he was distancing himself it was only because he was being true to his feelings.

Later on when he called me again, he denied saying that and said that he wasn't distancing himself. That confused the heck out of me.

I have been having a really bad day. It stems from a disorder that I was diagnosed with a long time ago, but never did anything about. H is now saying that I don't have this disorder, that he is the problem. He says since I was happier and felt better about myself when we weren't together that we needed to analyze and look at the reality of our situation. So, there goes that HUGE RED FLAG. HERE IS HIS WAY OUT.

Naturally, he denies it. Gets upset that I think that. I just think he doesn't have the b@lls to admit he's given up. What I wasn't ready for is the emotional turmoil it has left me in. I thought that I was moving forward and would be fine if this didn't work. Guess I was wrong, guess I was attached to an outcome that I wasn't even sure I wanted. I am sitting here nauseous and anxious.

H is in the other room watching tv. When I told him I really didn't want to talk about it anymore, that I was upset. He said...."Well I guess I'll go watch tv then" WTF is that about??

So, here are the facts I have to work with:
1) H is in deep depression.
2) H has been distancing himself for some time.
3) H has been screwing with my head a bit. (he is manipulative)
4)H now claims he is the root of my problems and not my disorder.
5) H is 5 weeks into his new job. He use to talk about this girl who was soo nice a little too much, hasn't mentioned her name at all lately.
6) H is not coming home with mints or gum or anything to cover up his breath.......did the same thing when he was with OW.

So, what am I supposed to think here? Am I being irrational? Or am I just losing what little sanity I have left???

~SE