Sorry about D10...I hope she feels better...that's a tough age to be going through hormonal illnesses. Sorry this is tough on you too--I'll keep her in my prayers.
Hey, I used to live in Boston and H is from NE, born and raised! Ahhhh, how I DO NOT miss that cold winter...but a great part of the country!
Did H initiate going to IC on his own? Your push? Part of his win back? Whatever, be open minded. He may change. I hope the counselor can see that confronting his weaknesses and mistakes is a big issue and take it slow with him. Let's give him the benefit of doubt...maybe the depression issue will come out too...
Glad you're seeing a C. I hear you on depression and alcoholism in families...both H and I have both (yeah, we're a nice couple!!). BUT, we watch out for it. I'll be honest, I think that it's what contributed to lots of our probs the last few years. Hs job was tough, and he went into a phase of being absolutely miserable and unhappy and angry for years....that really wore on me and was hard. I started to think he didn't want to be with me..yada, yada. I had the same thing going on. Hey, if a pill can take it away, what are you waiting for...life is plenty tough on it's own.
What a flipping mess with the OW!! Geez. I am SO VERY sorry you had to go through that. Just hearing it now, I want to give you a hug (from the SW to NE, here come my LOOONG arms!) Considering the details, you're handling this great, H has to see that it's no quick fix to his quick mess. I know your independent, and this must make you want to push back even more. But, you're in a M, you have to need a little, just like you give a little. Just like you felt discarded, not needed when he found his needs in another woman, I think it's what he probably feels with your independence. Really, it's a human desire, to be needed, can you start slow with this? In small ways?
It's the great paradox: as of the last 30yrs. Women are more independent, educated, working, and running families...I think this causes a lot of disruption to the American nuclear family as we knew it. DO NOT GET ME WRONG....I DO NOT mean to say that I think women should not work or be educated--furthest thing from it (it's part of my fundamental value system that women move up and out), but I think we just have to start looking at M differently, as an institution. Start coming up with new rules, or learn a few things about human dynamics in relationships...that Hs have the desire to be needed in ways that we women are not used to projecting. I dealt with this too. It's not old-school...just human nature.
SO...seems that H wants a little "needing him" from you. Can that be so hard? Try one small thing this week. It might help you feel closer to him too...to break the disconnect and to reach to him. I'm not saying you're not doing this...
Yep, gonna pour that beer and start on some major baking here...got some overripe bananas that are screaming to belong in a bread
Considering the details, you're handling this great, H has to see that it's no quick fix to his quick mess. I know your independent, and this must make you want to push back even more. But, you're in a M, you have to need a little, just like you give a little. Just like you felt discarded, not needed when he found his needs in another woman, I think it's what he probably feels with your independence. Really, it's a human desire, to be needed, can you start slow with this? In small ways? 
