Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

Hi Always...

Not hung over...lol....I had to take my D10 to Boston today for a Dr's appointment. Went well. (She has a chronic illness) I found out that she tested postive for thyroid antibody, so now we have to watch her for thyroid disease. Beautiful.....more things to worry about with her health. But for now, all is good, she is growing and gaining weight, her last TSH was normal. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I do go to IC. I love my C. She is very insightful. H does have a serious when it comes to his fault. I think you are right, in a way, H doesn't like to be judged by anyone. How other people perceive him is a big deal to him (although he will deny that too) I don't think you are off on the derpression, I think he would benefit from an antidepressant. I know that depression stems from us not wanting to deal with our feelings and then things spin out of control for us and we lose our ability to cope. I, unfortunately, am prone to depression. I was told that this time I will have to stay on the antidepressants for many years. Depression runs in my family. For H, depression and alcoholism run in his. So, I think you make the correct assessment there.

Other then sexual, what did OW give him that he needed? According to H, the feeling that she needed him and wanted him emotionally and physically. He looked me in the eye and told me he didn't love me anymore, he loved her. So, they must have felt a lot of love between them, or they both mistook the euphoria for love. I guess that is where I screw myself and him. Emotionally, I am very independant. I am very independant in many ways. I am not the codependant type and I think that is what he is looking for. Someone to not only want him, to be need him in more then just the emotional sense. OW was very unstable. She has 4 kids with her xh and is a very needy person. She was unhappy in her marriage, and so were we, so I guess they filled each other's void temoprarily. Then, I think the unstableness became too much for H to handle when she got into drugs. He is very much against drug use. We found out the she had gotten pregnant with H's baby one month before he and I reconciled. She had an abortion. H says she never told him. She called him a lot during this time, so I give him the benefit of the doubt, but my instincts tell me otherwise. Her xh recently emailed me telling me she was engaged and 7 months pregnant with yet someone else's baby. This entire situation turned into one long soap opera series IMHO. I guess that's the best insight I have into that situation right now. H doesn't want to talk about the A much anymore, to him it's a dead issue. To me, it's not.

He is starting his IC counseling tomorrow. He is going to the same office I go to, just seeing another counselor. I really hopes that she can help him face and deal with his isues without him resorting to any stunts. I believe he is in a fog, but again he will say otherwise. To be honest, I find it so easy these days to question myself as to why I am even bothering to try.

Well, that's my sob story for the day. I will hop on over to your thread and see what's up with you.

~Strong