Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

Hey Always...... going to check in on your thread in a minute and see how goes things for you.

Bringing up my issues with H's manipulation and control are very difficult. He gets very defensive and very angry. When a C mentions it, then he says that counselor is just "siding with me because____(insert another million and one excuses he can find) We have tried counseling so many times over the years. Both IC and MC. H usually makes it through two sessions and finds fault with the C. It's very frustrating when he thinks he has made strides as a person and become a better person because of his R with OW, yet he is still afraid to face to fact that some these ugly tuths may be right on.

Yes, if your H is anything like me, the talks HAVE to stop. Checking temperatures is not a wise thing to do. TO the person who feels there is too much talk, it ends up pushing us further away.

I did read your post regarding contentment and peacefulness and I even mentioned it to H this morning. (did not mention it came off this board) and he totally disagreed with it. I WAS present during their affair (it happened in this house) and they seem to have this "bond" the giddiness of a new R and the sexual sparks that go along with it. (why the heck else would anyone have sex with OW in the house and right under his children's bedrooms)is my conclusion and I thank the lord that although I was here, I didn't witness the act itself. Like I said, she lives hours away and I used to have her come spend the weekend for what I thought was shopping trips. THey were trips to sleep with my H. I could feel a connection between them and asked him about it (pre-bomb) and he denied feelings other then friendship. (Don't they all??) He tells me that she made him feel desirable, and wanted sexually, etc. They had that euphoria. That is what it means to him. The passion behind the kissing and ML. Those things that tend to slowly fade away in marriage. So, I guess I do understand what he is looking for. The problem lies in the fact that we are not NEW. We have been together for over 11 years. That euphoria is gone. That doesn't mean desire and passion are gone...well they are for the moment....but I don't think it will ever be like that again and he is setting himself up to want to leave this M. Between that and his refusal to face his demons...there is nothing I can do but sit back and watch.

Ahh....my needs....yes, um, what were they? Haven't been discussed in so long. Oh yeah....the need to build trust and the need for him to still try when he is feeling "angry" or whatever and not ignore me like I am a piece of crap..right now that's all I ask and I think it's too much because I just don't get it.

I'm glad that through my rantings and ravings you were able to get a little insight to help your sitch. I guess that is one of the main points of this board, is to gain insight through other people's experiences in addition to posting.

Hope you are having a good night. I am following your post....and having some Toasted Almonds. (fresh outta beer here)

~Strong