Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

What about you, SE? Is it possible that you are acting like your old self, too?

I am in no way, shape or form perfect. On some things, I am my old self again. On other things, I am a much stronger person. I use to be the one bringing up the R talk. I used to be the one who always expressed my feelings. I used to get angry when I felt he was coming after me and I would fuel the fire and let it get out of control. I no longer do those things. I am my same old self when it comes to physical closeness. I have always been the type of person that really has to feel an emotional connection to get any physical urges. That includes hugs, kisses, etc. That is the most difficult thing for me to change. I have been putting forth more effort everyday to give H unexpected kisses and hugs like he asked for, only to have him tell me that they are useless without the euphoric energy I referred to above. He doesn't commend the effort, he just complaims about what he doesn't get. I do this even when he is quiet and obviously distant from me. I push myself to walk up to him and hug him, give him a kiss and tell him I love him. It just seems that no matter what he asks for, when I do it, it's not good enough because _______(insert a million and one reasons that he can think of.)

I have no idea how to break the cycle Sage. I feel like I keep hitting a wall everytime I try to not act like I normally would. DO you have any suggestions? Am I missing something in my fog??

Thank you so much for making me stop and think.