WOW. Lots to read from your posts. Though H was being needy and not nice, he did say that he wanted to talk calmly. You are really mad and your patience is like a thread, so you didn't take. BUT, he did ask if you wanted to talk calmly. AND, your comment was sarcastic, so he turned his back b/c he really didnt'want a fight. I know I'm being direct (sorry, no sleep...see on my post), but I also know b/c my H is just the same. It's so frustrating, but it's a defense mechanism against possible anger. H thinks: "I see angry W, run, hide in shell..." And that's about IT. No nothing.
He's feeling insecure about the cuddling because, again, it all goes to GUILT. He is in a rush for this to be the same b/c he is testing how badly he screwed up. Hence the justifications of the A, etc.
Sounds like your H is also a bit emotionally manipulative. That is a LOT to deal with. Not just fights, twisting of words, but the suicide threats and hurting himself and threatening you with child care....not good. I'm sorry that he refuses to see a counselor. I think there may be some depression, anxiety or something there. This is really hard to deal with....Without getting in a fight, have you tried to tell him how it makes you feel manipulated? pushed away? scared? That you want to work on these things, but those behaviors need to STOP IMMEDIATELY?
Is there someone he trusts that can tell him this, without saying that you told them? Some way to get through to him.
I know no R talk, no making a person change, but this is also a little dangerous. Unless, you think that it is triggered by something you say/do/react that you CAN control with YOUR actions?
Hang in there....try to tell him today that you appreciate that he wanted to talk calmly with you, and that you should have taken that. Like a compliment for him to take the high road for resolution.
