Of course, it's totally normal to have these feelings.

You wrote some interesting things that make me think that your H has real issues with guilt. Who does't, right? But it seems that it really scares him, overwhelms him to the point of not wanting to face it or doing something drastic if he really does. I hope I'm not overassuming here.

SO, it seems that he would want to move fast with "things are better" so he does not look into your face each day and see his mistakes. Wipe the slate clean. I also still think it's why he credits OW for his courage, etc....a way of saying that he does not have to be TOTALLY guilty of what he did, because something great came of it and benefits BOTH of you. So, it's like he HAD to do that for you BOTH.

I guess there is nothing you can do about it. My H is the same. Has a hard time saying sorry and feeling guilty, but in his mind, he thinks he's great at it (I jsut want to laugh when he says that about himself, and point to fingers at myself!!!).

I think one day, when he is distanced from this a bit, he can face it for what it is. I admit, that initially when things blew up, I wanted to move to "we're OK" really fast, and each time that H had doubts, etc. I got mad. I guess I was really just mad that what I had done landed us in something so serious. Consequently , my H felt sorry he ever shared his feelings. He needs to give you the freedom to get through the steps, emotions....he is panicked and anxious right now, it's what I felt. It's hard to back off and be OK with the fact that a person is ambivalent about you. I too demanded "emotional progress reports" from H, and he felt pressured and manipulated. I guess I realized that it's not OK to say, "OK, I'm ready to get over this, now you have to as well..." Funny, it's exactly what made me mad about H in our dating history bumbles.

Hope that helps. Maybe you could share that with H. I know you already have. Share that it's unhealthy to not go through these emotions, and you understand his guilt and feelings of anxiety, but he has to understand yours. This was a rough turn of events in your M. Rebounding is hard.

Bravo to you for having a great night. Keep the smile on, and think happy thoughts (I will send mental images of Unicorns and Rainbows your way!!).

Hang in there. In the end, we'll all look back and think, it wasn't as bad as I thought. It all worked out well.