Where's my pot of gold?

[StrongEnough]

Always.....thanks so much for your post.

To answer some of your questions. H and I have talked a lot about the affair. H admits he feels awful, that is was a terrible thing to do, and that he is very sorry that he hurt me that way. He has a lot of guilt which, at one time while we were seperated caused him to attempt suicide. I guess I am just bitter because he gives her credit for something that he had conscious control over during our M. He made the decicion every time he lied. That's ALL him, not her. I hate being bitter.....

We had a long discussion this morning about where we stand. The little things we do to try and move forward in this R. I told him that I am trying to take baby steps, and I feel he expects leaps and bounds. That simply isn't going to happen. You are right, if things got better "right away" then we would not have the opportunity to heal properly or grow. A little later in the conversation, he said that he was feeling hurt and pushed away as he waits for something "big" to happen to show him that I truly want to be with him and work in this M. So, in essence, he basically just confirmed what I had told him, and my reasoning fell on deaf ears. I feel he listens to me but doesn't hear me.

So, I woke up with the intention of acting "as if" like you suggested but that went out the window when the R talk came up. Piecing is so hard. It is much like a dance, but almost like that dance is on a high wire and you incorporate a balancing act into it.

So, H left for work. He won't be home until later tonight. When he gets here, I will try to pick up where I intended to start this morning, push our issues aside and try to have a good night together.

Thanks so much. It is comforting when you know your feelings are normal and you aren't the only one going through them.

~StrongEnough