StrongEnough,

Haven't given much advice lately but felt compelled to jump in here, it kind of struck a chord.

I think Sage has given you some pretty good advice and you might want to re-read some of it. I'm not going to rehash it, but I've lived it too...who am I kidding??? I'm still living in the stage you are in and we've been back together for about two years. This stuff takes time.

Sure, I'm seeing some progress, but never as much as I think there should be. I want it solved now!! And that's not happening. Should I leave? Should you? Maybe, but that's a decision we each make on our own. We can make it today...or wait until tomorrow. I usually opt for procrastination . Hey, what can I say, it keeps me going when other methods have failed.

I said I wasn't going to rehash Sage's comments but there are a couple of real gems in there:

First

Piecing is not for the faint of heart.

Boy isn't that the truth!


Second (I loved this one):

I know that most people are happy when they reconcile with their spouses......I just really need some input on this.



It's REALLY common to struggle with negative feelings once the WAS returns. 'cause you've been in self-preservation mode for a long time and then all of a sudden, you are faced with confronting all the anger, hurt, betrayal, etc, that wasn't right in front of you.


Where in the heck did you get that idea? Read some of these Piecing Threads. Why do you think most of us are still here?

True some of the posters just slide right back into a great marriage but that's the minority. For a lot of us it's a gradual climb.

OK, enough high-level advice. Here's one last point that may give a little immediate gratification:

Quote:



So, two things jump out at me here...first off, the ASSumption that you need to be 100% READY to recommit.


This is not an ASSumption. H has flat out told me that he needs me to put forth 100% into this R. He expects me to be totally 100% committed emotionally, physically and otherwise. He doesn't want to hear that I can't give that. In HIS mind, it is unacceptable to expect anything less.




Think about it? If it's UNACCEPTABLE, and you routinely tell him that you aren't sure of your feelings for OM or you level of commitment...and he's still around... uh, just how UNACCEPTABLE can it be???

My point is that we all want it to work RIGHT NOW!!! Sometimes it doesn't. You have to work it through, so does he. We all just try to figure it out. But you do need to keep in mind that he can make a decision too, so don't take any longer than you have too or it might not be your decision anymore.

OK, I'll shut up now.

Take care and do the best you can. That's all you can really do.

jstx