Where's my pot of gold?

[sage]

Hi there,

I'm taking your posts in order ('cause I'm a linear kind of gal!). I hope that doesn't backfire.

I am not in a position to be able to give him 100%. As of recent, we have been arguiing quite a bit. He is too easy to tell me to "leave and go find myself". First off, the house we live in is mine and secondly, he is nuts if he thinks I am walking out on my kids. He has pushed me so far away with his words that I almost feel unreachable at this point.

So, two things jump out at me here...first off, the ASSumption that you need to be 100% READY to recommit. That's an awful lot to ask of yourself. Michele would ask you "What would be the FIRST sign that you were ready to recommit?" and I guess I'd follow-up by saying, what would be a sign to you that you were ready to take a wee step towards him OR even, not back away? You don't have to make the giant step of "yah, I'm here forever".

The second thing is (and maybe I'm misunderstanding you) that is SEEMS like maybe you're testing him a bit? You seem to be put off that after arguing (during which I suspect your doubts get raised), he suggests you leave and that is giving you the "hey, if he can't put up with THIS..." thought process?

Are you testing him? Seeing how much of your angst and doubt he can tolerate before he throws in the towel? If so, I urge you to stop for a few reasons...it's too easy to say things that can't be taken back, it's not fair to either of you and he will always, always fall short because you will always find some OTHER way he SHOULD have responded.

And for us putting the fixing things aside and doing things we used to enjoy doing together, well, as per usual, there is a problem with that. We are totally different people, we like different music, we dress differently, we don't like going out and doing the same things. We don't even like the same kind of movies, so staying home and watching a movie has it's negativity attached to it. One of us usually ends up happy because we are doing what we like, and the other one usually sucks it up and tries to make the best of it.

REALLY? So, how did you guys get together in the first place? Was there nothing that you ever enjoyed doing together? It was always one person happy and the other just sucking it up???

I guess rereading the books would be a good start. Thanks.

Yup...and a mini goal or two ....

Sage