I THINK I AM DONE! I WANT OUT! THIS BULLSH#$#$T! Just as I am leaving work my W calls and says se is going out to dinner with the OM, and she needs to end this! To say the least I am shockedon the phone! The she proceeds to tell me that he is coming to the house to pick her up and if I am OK with that! All I say is she has to do what she thinks is right, and then we say good bye! I call her right back and say I don't want to see him and I don't want the kids to see him pick her up! She says they should be gone when I get home with the kids and thekids know who he is! I almost explode and just say Bye! WTF WTF WTF! Obviously I am a fool! This is more than just a passing thing with the OM because I checked the phone, and she called him several times today! (Glad she does not know how to erase re-dial) If she doesn't come clean on what is going on I think I have hit my limit and she needs to get her own life with this alcoholic, gambling, controling manipulating man that she wants to be with so bad! Using a statement from my W "I deserve better than this!" This is a bunch of crap!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Damn Tim. This sucks to say the least. I am hurting for you so much! I am at a loss. I guess if I am to remain positive, I will say that there are a ton of people here who have endured more and held together. I know him picking her up is WAY over the boundaries, but the fact that she's still seeing him makes it sorta like my sitch. I don't know what I would do if my W did that. I think it would be time to talk to her about boundaries and what I would put up with and what I would not. This may be one of those letting go times when you really are tested to see if you can do this. As far as her coming clean, maybe it's time for that but first you need to get hold of your anger. You need to try to focus on your ultimate goal. I know you want to give up. I know I would too. Hell, I do a lot of the time now. Be strong, and try to calm down. She is still thinking of herself, and that hasn't changed. She's been better towards you but you knew not to buy into that. I don't know what else to say man other than keep fighting and don't let this be the end. It's over when YOU say it's over. God, I wish I could think of more to say. PLEASE post more tonight. I will do my best to check before bed. If you need to send me an email, you can do that as well. I want to help you so much. Please, everyone, chime in and help Tim, he needs us right now!
I just need to vent! Am I just supposed to say "HI honey how was supper?" and act like nothing is wrong! What a joke! If anyone cares to comment have a go at it because this is unbearable!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Hmmmm. She's on a frickin' rollercoaster herself, isn't she? Or is hers more like a merry-go-round?
Don't get caught up in her vortex.
Let her do what she wants to do. She's a little addicted, but probably will get smacked upside the head again by OM's manipulating, controlling, treating her like sh#$#$t nonsense.
You, Tim, in the meantime learn to detach so it doesn't eat at you. Doesn't mean you become a doormat, it just means you're going to spare yourself from the aggravation. Let go of seeing her actions as disrespectful. I'm not saying they aren't or are, I'm just saying don't make it part of the equation. You seem to personalize a lot of stuff she does, and it eats at you.
In reality, she's just bouncing back and forth, reacting to her feelings, conflicted perhaps. Boing. It's not about you.
Obviously I am a fool!
No, you're not. You're only a fool if you believe you're a fool. You're not judged foolish by what your W chooses to do. You're just a guy trying to make your way through unchartered waters. That's not foolish. A fool can't do that. A fool doesn't listen to the wise. A fool doesn't see what he has to do, nor does it.
Let go of these types of thoughts. Learn to detach! I'll tell you a secret. When you let go of these things, detach, reality doesn't change. Only your feelings about reality can change. So you don't "lose" anything in reality, but stand to gain much.
The other thing that happens is that when you change, she can change in response. What kind of change? Beats me, but if you react negatively out of frustration and hurt and anger, letting it taint your efforts even unconsciously, that's more likely not to result in her drawing closer to you, would you agree?
Think of this too... you want these things now. You've been giving yourself expectations and hope... and by doing that, when those hopes seem dashed, it comes crashing down hard. Instead, have zero expectations and just stay with the plan, put hope in that, if anything, rather on her. And realize that these things take time, and the time isn't right now, that's all.
Am I just supposed to say "HI honey how was supper?" and act like nothing is wrong!
Ok, Tim, I know this is probably too late to help you but it still applies no matter what. The thing to realize here is that she's still flying a full bomber right now. I know my W is and it's one of the things I use to keep my expectations low or non-existant. I am waiting for the next one to drop (like, "well, I lied, it is physical and always has been) any minute now. Hell, I assume she will serve me with papers before a love note. I am not being pessimistic here, just realistic about where my W is and where I may need to be to deal with her. I love her with all my heart but I also realize that it's very dangerous to let her play with that organ right now. She's just as libel to slice it in two as care for it. What I am saying is that if the sh!t didn't hit the fan tonight and you still have something worth fighting for, realize that it's you as much as the R. I feel like I know you a little bit and I hope you can make it through this latest act in the crazy play we're all staring in.
Well I finally got the kids to bed and my W's dinner "date" has almost 4hrs! I just want to lash out and call her out! This is complete and utter disrespect to me! Yah I am just thinking of myself, but ain't it time for Tim to stand up and say this is bullsh!t!
You know my gut reaction is just come at her when she walks through the door (if she ever does)! All that will give me is instant gratification!
Ialready know what is going to happen she is going to walk through the door, all sad and tears in her eyes and say she doesn't want to talk about it!
If anything happens different I will let you know! I am sleeping on the couch tonite! (Aren't I tough)
You know in my whole life I never drank alone and here I am with a stiff rye and water (Canadian whiskey). Not sure I like it but it does distract my thoughts for a moment!
I think I want out! This ride is too much!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Hang in there guy. She may just be doing this to get it out of her system. Again, heed what NYS said, this STILL isn't about you. It may have felt like it was for the past couple days, but it isn't, not for her. Again, I can't tell you that I'd be handling it any better. Actually you know I wouldn't and you would be here trying to talk me down off the ledge. Remember one thing, some things you say tonight may be final and you may not have a chance to take them back. I know you think you want that, but you haven't worked this hard and suffered this much to blow it all on a cheap satisfying F-YOU to her, did you? I believe in you. Believe in yourself.
