Actually Tim, I think sleeping alone is better than sleeping with someone you can't touch! That's why I'm starting to think that separation would work better. Obviously if it weren't for the kids, then that's what I would suggest to my wife. My emotional swings seem mostly to due now with visual/sensory reminders of what is no more. My mind is not conjuring up much in the way of horrible visions anymore. I know you probably have a different view on this since you went that route before and hated it. Hopefully you'll be able to resist the urge to "jump back in" when she returns and not take all the niceness to heart. This may be a GREAT opportunity for you to demonstrate your changes. She'll expect (yea, SHE gets to expect and we don't) you to really lay in on thick since she's been gone and when you don't... Oh, I forgot...GOOOOOOOOOOOO TIM!!!! (Gotta get my newbie cheerleading in for the day)
So hold tight, get busy and maintain an even approach to her when she gets back. Remember, you're her FRIEND who is happy she did a great job with her test, not her HUSBAND looking to capitalize on her good mood. That's my take. I'm waiting for my W to get home from the "gym" so we can all go to the mall. The kids are asking if the whole family can go somewhere for a change. That hurts.
Why do I let myself get beat up! She just phoned and wanted to talk to the kids wich she did! I spoke to her she sounded a little tired, and was a bit distant. Anyways we talked a little, and she is going shopping this afternoon before she comes home. Anyways where I got kicked in the bal$#$s was at the end of the conversation. W: Ok I will see you guys later Me: Sounds good have fun shopping
Long pause (thinking to myself should I say ILY just let her say it) Became uncomfortable so
Me: ILY (with a giggle in my voice) W: OK will talk later, Bye!
What an idiot I am! No ILY back and I fell in the trap! After I hung up I felt like such a loser, and she is back to her distant self! Guess she was just acting all weekend! This is so hard and painful! I was planning to cook a nice dinner for the family, and now I feel like climbing into bed and staying there all day! Kids wil keep me busy today! I feel like calling her out when she gets home! Talk about the OM and the R, and say I can't do this anymore and just get on with our lives, whether it is with the OM or me! I am really bitter right now! I know be positive, but how frigg'n hard is it to say ILY! Need to calm down! My hope is high, and I need to back down and remain positive....so easy to type and say...different story to execute! Bet anyome out there $20 that she is not wearing her wedding rings! What if she is do I say anything?
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Tim, I sympathize with your hurt and pain, I lived with it for 12 months. You've got to LET HER GO!! I know its easier said than done, I still struggle with it myself on a minute/hourly/daily/weekly...basis. You can't CONTROL her - what she wants to do, how she wants to live, where she wants to live and who she chooses to share it with. It is MORE PAINFUL to hang on than to let her go and DETACH. I know its the hardest thing you'll probably ever have to do but for your own sanity - LET HER GO. I don't mean to harp, just remind (as I constantly have to remind myself). Keep DBing!! We're here to support one another.
Quote: You are being SO needy, and pursuing. You need to go back to DB'ing as I see you have stopped taking it seriously.
Let go, back off. Do it.
You are right I am being needy! I am venting big time on the posting! I will stay on track when she gets home, and I will be positive! I have been really thinking about the ILY issue. For me I was seriously ill 3 yrs ago over X-mas and actually I spent time in ICU! Long story short after that incident I realized you may not get the chance tomorrow to say ILY to the people you truly care about. For me since my illness regardless of how I feel about my W I always want and usually do say ILY! This summer I did the DB and did not say it for alomost a month, but it was very painful. I did start again but not as intense, ad it seemed to work! Bottom line is you are right Frank don't be needy from my W. Satisfy my own needs through GAL! I will still struggle with the ILY issue!
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Yes, your experience taught YOU that the ILY's may never get to be said, but that's YOUR experience. Like Frank said, and so did I before the fact, you CAN'T read into ANYTHING these days. You can't try to figure out if that last ILY was the one that meant "we're back together now and OM is out of the picture." As much as I keep letting my emotions run loose, you keep forming expectations. In that, we're a little different. I think I have managed to cancel all expectations that me and my W will ever be back together. I am not negative, nor positive, I just don't form thoughts about it. It's really hard, but I THINK I have managed to do it....for now. You just need to do like Frank said and let go. The fact is that you are still dealing with her as if she's living in YOUR world that YOU create in your head. She is in HER world that SHE creates in HER head. You have nothing to do with it. It's really hard to understand that when they occupy so much of our hearts and minds, but it's the truth. I hope we don't sound harsh, because I really understand where you are. I'm there much of the time too. Keep the chin up and get through this.
Quote: TMU: The fact is that you are still dealing with her as if she's living in YOUR world that YOU create in your head. She is in HER world that SHE creates in HER head. You have nothing to do with it. It's really hard to understand that when they occupy so much of our hearts and minds, but it's the truth.
Well said! I needed to hear that too today. We are NOT in the same world.
W and I spent a few hours together with D10 in the car and stuff and we talked a lot, I felt like we connected, but I have to keep remembering that SHE is not in MY world. When she was talking about things she wanted to do with her life, it is her life WITHOUT ME. I'm going to digest it and post to my thread but for Tim I'll say it again: IT SUCKS! BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP PURSUING. YOU HAVE TO BACK OFF AND LET HER GO. I hate it too!
And, when you DO back off and it looks like she is coming towards you, you have to STAY backed off or she will run away.
I love ya man, I hate seeing you suffer so much! I'm doing the same thing and it is HARD too.
IT SUCKS! BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP PURSUING. YOU HAVE TO BACK OFF AND LET HER GO. I hate it too!
so true...I am in the same sitch...WAW is having an affair...would love to know your thoughts about my sitch...I just found out my W had OM stay over the night of our therapy session...I'm dieing inside
