Quote: o my question from this quote is I did give up my supposed life to be with her and the kids and that made me extremely happy, but does she think it happened too fast and am I needy?
Tim,
I have very mixed feelings about these kinds of theories, as I have posted before. It seems like we are being asked on one hand to be better communicators and listen to what our wives are saying (in my case, stop being away so much) but we are to read into that and come up with what they REALLY mean. In practicing affirmation and empathy you learn that one of the most important things is making it clear to whomever you're communicating with that you understand what they are saying so there is no guess work being done. So in this case, would it go something like this?
You: Hey honey, I am moving to advance my career. Her: Ok, but do you have to? Y: Well, yes, why don't you come too? H: No, the kids would be better off here and I also have friends I would like to stay near. Why don't you go ahead and we'll see how it works out. Y: Ok, you are saying that you don't want me to go but you understand. You think that the kids and you would be better off here while I explore my career options. H: Yes. That is how I feel. Y: Ok. Then I will do it and we'll talk about how it's working in a few weeks.
....few weeks later... Y: Hey honey. H: Yes? Y: How are things going? H: We miss you and wish you could just work close to home. How do you think things are working out? Y: Ok, I guess. I miss you too. It seems like this job is paying better but I am less happy than before. You also seem to be saying this is hard and you want me to find another way to work without living in another city. H: Yes, that would be nice. Y: (and here comes that theory) Well, I know you SAY that, and you confirmed that it's what you want but I also know that you will really not respect me if I come home now and deep in your "womanhood" you need me to stay true to my career, or "higher purpose" in order for you to continue to look at me as a man. So I really think you want me to stay away and continue with things as they are. H: Um...ok...well, no I really want you to be home with me and the kids. Y: That's what you think now but...
You see how I'm thinking. I know it's a pretty ludicrous, and simplified way to look at it but it's how I see it. I am trying to get AWAY from guessing what my wife wants. She has never gotten around to telling me so far and my guesses so far (and by the way, I HAVE stayed true to my higher purpose to no avail in my wife's eyes) have been really wrong. I suppose I am just suspicious of theories that have me guessing based on stereotypes what someone else is going to do or think about something. I know you hear it ALL the time, but my wife is different in many ways from a typical, feminine woman. I don't know. Waxing long today I guess...
