knew this was coming from Deida as I read your post.
I think it worthwhile to point out here, especially since many LBSs seem to be into "either or" type of thinking and anger, that Deida is writing about life for a man when he's with a woman who wants to be with him... not a WAW, though there's some stuff that may apply and certainly, all his points are well taken.
Thanks for adding to my comments. Your observations are what I was trying to say. Women do not (and should not) need to be submissive, being a man means YOU are not submissive - in any facet of your life.
And for those who read my post, no where did I say being a man meant to be mean or an A*hole.
Quote: totallymessedup:
Am I seen as a "man" by my W if I am sitting by, basically letting her do what she wants even though it goes against everything I stand for?
Probably not, but it's not because of the 'sharing'. She has already devalued you and your relationship in HER mind. That's why she is having an affair. And, since women generally tie 'love' into sex she 'loves' OM and has decided she doesn't love you 'enough'. To her everything is perfectly fine and if you put your foot down she will go to the other side.
Besides, there is a difference between your 'higher purpose' and your 'values'. You are treating her like a possession. You (and myself too) are applying logical values to illogical feelings. As NYsurvivor said, Deida is more for 'existing' relationships. But I found a lot of it to be useful right now too.
Only when she has weakened in her 'love' for OM is she going to be actually noticing anything you do. And that does NOT mean you are to be a prick. Deida's book 'The Superior Man' is really good to read. My (female) counselor thought it was very much right on with it's descriptions of how women perceive men and how they need to be treated to feel loved.
I found it to sometimes be difficult to understand because you really had to THINK about what he is saying. And yes, it is aimed at existing relationships but is very useful in all aspects of your life.
The past 20 years has seen the feminization of men in America. It isn't that we need to go back to being mean pricks or anything, it's just that we need to go back to being men. Go get the book or look it up on Amazon
My favorite excerpt:
Quote: She doesn't really want to be number one
A woman sometimes seems to want to be the most important thingin her mans life. However, if she is the most importnat thing then she feels her man has made her the number one priorityand is not fully dedicated or directed to divine growth and service. She will feel her man's dependence on her for his happiness, and this will make her feel smothered by his neediness and clinging. A woman really wants a man to be totally dedicated to his highest purpose - and also to love her fully. Although she would never admit it she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose
Sound like GAL?
IN the book the example is of a man about to go to war. His woman says she doesn't want him to go. However, if he were to stay she would be happy at first but sad later knowing that he chose to abandon his higher purpose (serving humanity) to be with her.
Think about how Lois Lane felt when Superman gave up his powers to be human so he could be with her....
