Not so sure how much I can add here, but its very true that we need to loosen control and let them develop in their own way. At bottom, I want to be friends with my wife, heck, that's how we started. Sometimes I lose sight of that myself and end up focusing on my needs and thats how I get into trouble! Yet, I sometimes can't help the feeling that when we interact this way, that we're just both "whistling past the graveyard" so to speak.
In any event, its important to identify whats best for her and for yourself as well.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
