Big hugs. Now, listen to your W. She's telling you exactly what she needs. Do it! By this I mean, leave her alone, no R talks and NO om talks. Be her friend. When I absolutely stopped talking to H about ow and our R there was a definite turn around in our R. We started to do things together, at first awkwardly and then more comfortably as friends. I took the whole As If suggestion as a whatever? Whenever I would get worked up over H or our R I would ask myself, "Would this bother me if a friend was doing this?" "Would I say anything?" How would I react with a friend?" I probably would react with a whatever attitude and I'm here if you need me.
Since H and I have begun to work on our marriage (affair ended Nov. 9) we have talked about things he said and did. He stated it was in reaction to how I was acting and my questions. He felt pressured, like I was manipulating him and so he would lash out to get me off of his back. I asked him what he meant by pressure but he can't explain it. He realizes now I wasn't trying to manipulate but he JUST NEEDED SPACE.
You need to decide if you can swallow crow and not get into the why is she doing this to me mentality and let her be for now. You are not being a doormat you are actually being the opposite as in she can't hurt you- whatever. Save the R talk and how you feel for after she has positively decided to participate in your M. Hope this helps. Just remember, she gave you the key- stop pressuring her.
