I just read the end of your last thread, including you final post directing us here. Reading your "death sentence" statement made me think of something. This may be a major difference between you and your wife that taking notice of might help. I have just read a book (that was a little more Freudian than I'd like) recommended by my therapist, Getting the Love You Want. That book describes a marriage as a "passionate friendship". Maybe you need to just realize that a friendship within your marriage right now is a good thing, and more than that something your wife wants. Unless she is just getting unattached sex from her OM then a friendship is something she has with him in addition to whatever else. Also, no matter the theory you subscribe to, a strong friendship is something necessary for a strong marriage. Maybe you could think of this as a good thing somehow. My W said the "friends" thing in her bomb drop conversation with me and I think I responded with the idea that when a man hears that it's the worst thing in the world because it means "I like you enough to talk to you but not to ever touch you." It's one of those phrases that men and women perceive VERY differently although I believe we're both right some of the time. What I have come to learn by examining my own marriage's history is that I really stopped being my wife's friend long before anything else. I got defensive in conversations, started taking things personally that were not meant to be, stopped just hanging out with her, and many other things that conveyed the idea to her that I was only really around for sex, TV shows we both watched and when the kids were around. It's really sad that I only see that now. So like I said, maybe try to see that THIS time when she says the dreaded friend word, she may not mean it like that hot girl in high school used to mean it. Let's hope so for both our sakes!
