You know I have been following your sitch and I hate to hear this but it sorta follows up on what you were talking about last time I posted to your thread. The reconciliation process obviously means something different to her than it does to you. She seems interested in maintaining her freedom to explore her feelings of entrapment and for this OM. Possible she was really never ok with the ILYs and other seemingly normal things in your marriage. Once again, your sitch almost mirrors mine but my W has just not said the words yours has (but I haven't asked either) she just behaves in a way that makes it obvious that our friendship is the only thing she values at this time. Our romantic involvement is a thing of the past for her. I guess pressure on them is bad unless you want to force a decision. If you do however succeed in forcing a decision, it may very well not be the one you want. It also sounds like your wife is giving you the old "if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" line and is upset that you don't just know why it's wrong to be asking her these questions. I feel so much for you. I am going through the exact same feelings at this exact moment. I wake up next to a woman who I have never stopped loving on any level, who I am suffering intense pain to stand beside and offer support to, and I can't even reach out and touch her skin. I can't get a hug. I can't feel anything but coldness from her, all the while my mind filled with visions of this OM getting all of that and more! I guess we just stay the course until such time when we've had enough. I don't know how long that will be in my case. These examples we see of people DBing for a year seems ludicrous to me. I really think I will die of exhaustion by then. Look, I will say again, if she is still involved in your life, or you in hers, then there is still possibility for her to realize she wants to REALLY reconcile with you and build back your marriage. I know it's hard to see that now, and it's even hard for me to say it because I can't see it for myself, but there is still hope. Time is still working and may be eventually pulling her back to you. You just need to keep putting your best foot forward and be great for YOU. Chin up, don't beat yourself up, and learn from your mistakes.
