Been busy finishing the house. We have bought a new house for next spring. He seems back to normal(I Hope) working like crazy to finish so I can list the house.
Afraid, Congratulations on the new house and hopefully your h has finally seen the light of day.
Just remember that he's going to have periods of quiet time and act out just a little bit, but thats par for the course as he continues to return to the real world. You've done a great job of showing patience and being there for him.
What about you and the children? Are you okay? I'm sure that they are as excited as you are about a new home. Don't tax yourself too hard in trying to get your old home ready for resale. Take it one day at a time and look at your new home as the first "new" chapter in your life.
I'm glad things are working out for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Congratulations on the house. I know that is a lot of work -- hopefully working on it side-by-side will be a good thing for you two. Thanks for the update.
My h told me something last night after almost 16 yrs of marriage I didn't know. I knew he had come home and found his mom had died in her bed. He was 17 at the time. What I didn't know is they lived in an apartment and he was only upstairs w/friends and I guess she must have called 911 for help because the dispatcher for some reason called the house he was at. They asked if anyone had called from there and not knowing they said no, later to come home and find his mom. His brother (10 yrs older) I guess at some point had told him he let his mom die. Well I now see this guilt he may be carrying around,but doesn't admit to it. He says I didn't do anything wrong, but does he really feel like he is to blame? I know there was probably some issues maybe unsolved with his mom and he was unable to get closure on them.
I have always believed my xh has tremendous guilt for a fatal accident he was involved in when he was 16, and feel that may be the final fear he needs to face before he comes out of mlc.
However, I do think it is possible both to feel that you did nothing wrong AND to feel guilty at the same time, at different levels, know what I mean?
And maybe it is possible to go on functioning well while carrying those strong feelings around but suppressing them. Do you think you h is able to?
Many men seem to feel ashamed of feeling emotionally weak in any way, and seeking help from a therapist is therefore unacceptable to them. I know this is frustrating but I guess all we can do is to be there to listen to them when they do want to talk, gently encourage them to (and maybe get help) but be prepared to back off if they get uncomfortable.
I know how much you want to help him, but he has to be ready for that help first. Meanwhile, he has you, and all of your love and support. Better than the bottom of a beer glass any day!
Hugs Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
Omigosh, what a chilling story. ITA w/ what jaybee said about believing "it is possible both to feel that you did nothing wrong AND to feel guilty at the same time." Wow. Amazing he is sharing this w/ you..
He's waking up a bit and that's a good sign if he didn't need a reminder.
Enjoy your special day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
