You are all so sweet! What would I do without you? Thanks again for your generous support! I am hanging in there. It is tough, but I am finding my strength.
H came over to have his evening with the kids tonight. It was tough to see him but I held it together for the kids. He looks like crap. Interesting. I made an appointment with my counselor. It was good to talk with her and it did help me feel more positive. She did say I needed to write H a letter (or letters) but never send them. Get my anger and frustration out on paper. I think I will do that.
Interesting thing happened tonight. A GF I used to work with called me earlier this evening to say hello and see how I was doing. She called me back a few minutes ago because she had turned her cell phone back on and saw that she had a call from me! I said that I hadn't called her - I was at my counselors! H must have called the number from caller ID while he was here! TOO FUNNY! She and I had a good laugh over it. Interesting - H wants a divorce but he still is wondering who is calling me? I'm still snickering!
It's good to have a laugh - I needed it! WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Hi Beth: I just found your post and can really empathize with you. My H isn't interested in building a new relationship with me either. Been together 20 yrs, married 18 1/2 with 4 kids. I'm 3 months into this and he's adamant he want a D. We told our kids the first week in Jan that we were separating (he continues to live here, but in our daughter's room downstairs d/t financial issues. I refused to move our kids out of their home and to keep it, he needs to stay). I've been DBing, detaching, working on myself, going out with friends. And yes, he still asks me where I've been and with whom. He even changed the oil on my van last weekend! Even after I told him not to do it, I would take it to Jiffy Lube. Its very frustrating to know where you stand. I find the emotional up and down very tiring. Sounds to me like you are doing fine. Good luck, Lynn
I said that I hadn't called her - I was at my counselors! H must have called the number from caller ID while he was here! TOO FUNNY!
NO WAY...LOL...okay that is PRICELESS!!! That is just too funny. Kinda like Dave knowing I was in NY but trying to corner Mich to find out WHO I was with...Maybe the WAS need to GAL, cause it appears OURS are far more interesting than theirs these days!!
Gosh Beth they are predictable but never cease to amaze us at the same time....who knows what that means just take the humour from it and forget it, is what I think as you will never work them out.
He will realise his mistake one day and it may just be too late, rest assured that in years to come if you don't work this out with H, you can at least look your kids in the eyes and say you did all you could to make it work, even forgiving his infidelity - That my love is something he will not be able to do....
I am thinking of you Beth and you will get stronger day by day and I have my fingers crossed for you children too....Kim
Oh Beth~ what a silly man he is. Now if you really want to rattle his cage, maybe you could arrange for a message to be left on the machine just before he next visits. Someone who sounds really sexy on the phone. Hee Hee
The letter thing is a good one, I did that early on, and found it therapeutic, but thinking I may need a 2nd chapter
Hey Beth. Something about having cake and eating it too huh? Amazing that it is ok for him to be off with his floozy but dear Beth is not allowed to have a life. Geeze.
Had a mostly relaxing weekend. Kids were at H's apartment this weekend. S6 had his first basketball game. He didn't score but he made several great shot attempts and played good defense. It is cute to see first graders play basketball. Think controlled chaos!
Went out Friday night with SIL. Ended up getting home at 3:30 in the morning. Took me until today to feel awake! We had a few beers at a bar and these 20 somethings kept talking to us - just a FYI - SIL is 29 and very cute - always the guy magnet! But, it was fun to talk with them and give them a hard time! One kept mentioning going back to his place - I just joked with him but SIL said don't you realize he's trying to take you home! LOL! I am so out of practice with this stuff. Not ready for it anyway. But, it was fun!
Saturday I was just lazy. So tired from Friday. Needed a break! Now that I am back to work life is in the fast lane again.
H exchanged the kids early today as he said he had to catch a flight out of town. Finally exercised and then made sure kids were showered and homework done. It's always something. But, I love my kids so much. It's great to have them here with me.
Not much interection with H. I keep it short and to the point. I have to start detaching emotionally from him. Won't be easy, but none of this will be.
Have an appointment to see a lawyer this week. Now this is all starting to be real. I'll see what he says.
Back to work tomorrow! Have a great week everyone!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
