Hi Beth ~ you lucky thing getting to meet Al. I hope your weekend away recharged your spirits slightly, and you got spoilt by your mum.
I agree with Kim,you did well at your nephew's birthday party. I cannot imagine having to go through a function like that right now, esp. in light of what's recently happened. You are one strong chicky babe!
Toasting you with Coke Zero "Here's to better days, Beth"
Well, I survived another day. Went back to work - that is actually a good thing. It does keep my mind off of my sitch some of the time. And the money is helpful. I will have to find a real job but not right away. I want to be picky and find something that works for me.
I am still really hurting from this. I keep wondering why? In my mind, I was ready for this. So, what is the difference? Is reality that much of a change? I guess I see that my marriage is really ending. That is my reality. I guess I held on to the hope that we were strong enough together to get through this. Now I feel like he is just throwing away 20 years. That I gave all of myself for so long and he can just throw it out like the trash without even trying for us or for the kids. That is hard to accept. But, I know that I did all I could. I have no regrets. I did my best so save my M - for H and I and for our children. We are going to tell them this weekend. They will be so sad. My heart is breaking already. But, I have to find my strength. For them. They need me now. Probably more than ever. So, it's time to dig deep. I have it in me. I just have to find it!
I might switch over to surviving the big D. I don't want to get anyone down who is still working hard to save their M. To all of you, keep trying. Keep working at it so that you will have no regrets, either way.
Have a good evening -
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Big hug Beth. It is hard, but it gets better. Telling the kids will be tough, but in a way, it will not be much different for them than it has been for awhile.
You are going to feel sad no matter how ready you are. There is every reason to feel that way. But you are strong (look how far you have come) and you will make it with a little help from your friends.
Beth, Was off the boards for a while and just caught up on your situation. I feel your pain. I am so sorry as you sound like a wonderful person. Why can't our WAS's see that?
I am going to hijack a little here, sorry, but my H asked me for a D last Saturday night. After a very long conversation he agreed to temporarily postpone mainly because of finances and kids. I am going to a C tonight to try to work on my self. My H under no circumstances wants to work on our marriage so unless some miracle happens a D is probably in my future also.
Keep coming here, I know this place has been a life saver for me. Take Care of yourself
((((Beth))) ~ I know you will be fine as you are a survivor, so allow yourself to feel sad. You have earnt those tears, so let them flow.
Be strong for your kids, but allow them to see that you are sad too. I think sometimes we hide all negative emotions from our kids, but crying is ok as it is a normal emotion and should be expressed. My counsellor taught me this early on, and it really helped as I think S really needed to know that I got sad too.
I think this week Beth is one of those you can have all the chocolate you desire weeks, purely for medicinal purposes.
I am going to hijack a little here, sorry, but my H asked me for a D last Saturday night. After a very long conversation he agreed to temporarily postpone mainly because of finances and kids. I am going to a C tonight to try to work on my self. My H under no circumstances wants to work on our marriage so unless some miracle happens a D is probably in my future also.
Mamabear - sorry to find that you are in the same place as me. It is tough, but we can get through this. Hopefully you postponing things can give your H time to think and you time to DB. It ain't over til it's over!
Al and Kismet - thanks so much! Love you guys! I am hanging in there. I just need to grieve now. I have put if off for a long time. Now, it is time for me to feel it, mourn my marriage, and move on.
Looking back, our M didn't have a chance as long as H was still involved with OW. You can't truly begin to reconcile until the affair is COMPLETELY over. That never happened. Even when he came back, he was still in contact with her. Well, now she can have him. He's lied so much I don't think he knows what the truth is. It will come back to him one day. I'm not sure what he is feeling now. Perhaps he is happy and relieved he is out of limbo. I do know that both our lives will be far more complicated. That I know to be a fact!
I now have to concentrate on me. Healing myself. Finding my own happiness. Finding a career I enjoy. Making the most of my life. So, I will mourn a little more and then the journey begins. It will be interesting, a little scary, and as much fun as I make it! Now, I'm ready for a margarita!
Cheers!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Lovely to see you with a margarita in your hand Beth! I can really relate to your comments about H. And I want you to know that as much as I'd hoped things would work out in your M, I have to admit I feel good about your new journey. You're going to be more than fine - you're going to be better than ever. I just know it.
I now have to concentrate on me. Healing myself. Finding my own happiness. Finding a career I enjoy. Making the most of my life. So, I will mourn a little more and then the journey begins. It will be interesting, a little scary, and as much fun as I make it! Now, I'm ready for a margarita!
Mmmm, can you make me one too please! Beth you go get them. They say the best revenge is success, and I know you are going to make it! And make it with style and dignity.
You have been in my thoughts so much lately. There is no doubt that in enduring this D, your life will be different. And, divorce is both the death of an old relationship, old dreams, and the beginning of a new life full of exhilarating possibilities. My D represented a loss--- the loss of an ideal, an image, the hopes and dreams that I had for the M when it was new.
Beth... IMO, it is important to face the loss, and take the time to feel and work through the grief. It is a grieving process that you have to go through. The good thing about grief is that once you accept it, let it out, and deal with it... You can truly let go and move forward in your life.
The most important step in beginning the emotional healing that leads to closure is simply deciding to do it... Knowing the time has come for you to free yourself from the past, come to terms with it, and make peace with it so you will be able to begin a rich, new life.
Beth, I wish that I could take your pain away... I REALLY do. I hope it helps to know that there are so many people here on the BB who care about you so very much... Big hugs to you, (((Beth)))... Thinking of you, -KIM
Beth you go get them. They say the best revenge is success, and I know you are going to make it! And make it with style and dignity. 