I’m so sorry. I know you seemed to be ready for a decision either way, but I also know this isn’t really how you wanted it to be. I wish I knew what else to say. I hope you had fun out with your friends today. I will keep you in my prayers tonight. Please let us know how you are doing and what is happening. We are here for you.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thanks again for the kind thoughts. Am holding up okay. Find that I am filled with profound sadness. I'm sure I will feel many emotions as this moves forward. I'll post more later after I get the kids to bed.
You all are so wonderful!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Well, I can post a little more now. This mornings conversation started out with us just figuring out the weekend schedule with the kids. H then mentioned he didn't think it was right for him to go on spring break. So, I just said I guess that means you have made a decision. He says yes, he has. He said that it isn't fair to keep me in this position. I told him some day he will regret this day (not good DBing, I know!). Other things were said but it just sounds like he is running. Running away from his responsibilities. Running from having to face up to his mistakes and really work on our M. He can't run forever. All of this will catch up to him. He just sounds like he is spitting out what someone else has told him. Not what is really in his head. Does that make sense? But, I am done riding the rollercoaster. I don't know if he has it in him to really work on our M. He has gone this far so he figures this is his only route. Well, he can go and feel empty with her. Yes, I will hurt. ALOT. I will mourn the end of my marriage and feel sad for losing my hopes and dreams. But, there is a new adventure waiting for me out there. My sweet revenge will be my happiness. I WILL find it. And be a better person in the end. Just keep reminding me of that when I get down!
Thanks to you all for your wonderful support. I'm off to see my mom this weekend with the kids. I'm not going to tell her yet. I want the kids to know before the rest of the family does. Sunday should be interesting. 2 of my nephews have birthdays in January and we are going to the party. H will be there too. It will be tough, but I can do it.
Didn't wear my wedding ring today. The finger feels SO naked. When do you get used to it?
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Beth, all I can say is I know those feelings and you're right, it will get better. Took my wedding ring off the day we sat down to talk about D too. Surprising how fast (at least for me) I got used to it. Although, I will say that it does come back to me once and awhile, and I can never resist the urge to look at XW's to see if a new one has shown up on her finger yet. Of course, she took hers off about a month into the separation.
I just found out H filed, but I found out on the internet while checking for info on the family court pages for our county. The gutless wonder didn't even have the courage to tell me he had filed.
And today, I got a face full of his frothy venum after I told him, "You will regret this"....
I guess, just like you, I want to go on the record as having made this "regret" call early on. They do not realize it now......but they WILL regret it.
We are primo women and we will get through this. We deserve better. Just keep telling yourself this. There is a quality person for us out there. If it is our current H's, well that is OK....and if not, that is OK too!
Quote: The finger feels SO naked. When do you get used to it?
Well, Beth, I took mine off in a fit of anger when H asked me for divorce back in January. I'm pretty much used to it, but I found myself today, rubbing my thumb over where it used to be.
Beth what a bummer!!!!! I am really sorry that you have to deal with this new twist but I do know you can. I know you will be feeling sad and hurt and many other emotions but on the board you still sound like you so that is good. Feel what you feel and then set each one free till you are at a better place.
You are a wonderful woman it shines through all the time so you believe that.
This is H's problem and always has been, yes we can accept our part but the decisions they made are theirs and theirs alone and they will wake up eventually. It is very rare the OP works out in the end, so Beth he will get his just desserts one way or another and how you feel about it when that happens is totally up to you.
Remember you have the power to live your life your way and for you and your kids. So try and focus on that and on what things you can change for you and the kids that you may not have done had H been around.
I send you lots of hugs Superwoman b/c you still are you have just encountered a little Kryptonite that is all. Keep busy take care and I will check in again soon. Have fun at your Mum's.....Kim
Beth...I took off my ring when H moved out of the house. When he noticed, I told him that if he wanted me to wear the ring, he would have to put it back on my finger. He never did. I will also tell you that he did come out of his coma, a little too late, but he did eventually wake up. I think it was when he realized that I was gone that shocked him back into reality. If you can wait, do it, but I think it was my "mental" moving on that really woke him up.
Once he starts seeing the reality of it all, when the ugliness starts showing through his rose colored glasses, he might snap out of it. Be open if you can, but first and foremost, protect yourself, your kids, your sanity.
About the ring, it took me a while to get used to it, but not too long. Now I wear one of my mother's rings on my little finger. The tan line has faded, I don't miss it too much any more, but gee...I liked that ring. People talk about getting rings reset, but I think maybe I will just hold it for one of my girls. And get myself a new ring!
Each experience in life has formed me, become part of me, made me stronger.
I know you have been struggling to know if you should hang on or not. And now it feels that choice has been taken from you. And I'm sure despite all that has happened, you still feel shocked, betrayed and injustice. I know this is so painful and I am so sorry you are experiencing this Beth. I know you are mentally aware that you don't deserve this. Please also believe in your heart that you don't.
And I've found that believing and knowing I didn't deserve it seemed to make the pain almost more accute. The sense of injustice is so strong and overwhelming.
Beth, this is a hit you weren't prepared for, though you tried to prepare and maybe were as best prepared as you could be. Go through the mourning, let others support you, be gentle on yourself.
When you get up from this one, you will now know that you are going to take a new journey. And you will ready to start planning that journey and living it. And the journey is going to be a challenge at times, and in the end you will feel safe and secure in who you are and in your life.
We are all here for you to help you on your journey and to listen whenever you need us. We do love you.
