Well, you and I were both hoping he would wake up before the D...but you and I also know you can get through this. I've been D'd now for a bit more than 3 months...I'm still alive and doing well!
That's not to say it was easy. I still have a few bad times now and then, but I have gotten used to this new life, and it's pretty good most of the time. There's a lot of drama I don't have to deal with now, and that is good. Even the stuff going on with XH and OW...I can wonder and watch, but in the end, it's not my problem to fix. And if he ends up living his life with her, well, that's his problem.
I guess the think I like the most is that now XH has made his choice, one I still think was wrong, I get to choose for myself from here on out. I don't have to be tied to any decisions he makes, I don't have to be his support and his cheerleader unless I chose to. I can talk to him if I want, and if he's driving me crazy acting like a juvenile, I get to ignore him and pass the phone to the kids. And in a very strange way, while I have much less money to spend on anything fun, what I do have is for ME! I don't have to consider whether XH wants something new before I treat myself!
You will always love your H, and you will always feel regret that it ended. But you can also move forward at the same time, and you will!
And yes, your H will regret it. Mine does now, but the D had to become final and he had to live the life before he could get rid of the fantasy of what he thought it would be. My H was in no way ready to give up the divorce as long as he thought it might improve his life...it hasn't. Now he feels he made a bad choice, but he also feels stuck.
So, yes, go get the lawyer. Protect yourself and make some plans based on what YOU want. If you someday get to the point where you think he is the kind of man you want to be with again, you can reconcile just as well after the D as before - sometimes easier, because they see it's not what they thought it would be.
