Quote: Just got off the phone with H. We are getting divorced.
Hugs honey...and remember a D is nothing but a piece of paper...big hugs to you baby doll...you are a strong woman...a good heart. Perhaps we should have a bottle of merlot tonight, no?
Sorry for the news. I think you have learned to be strong through all of this, like we all have, and you'll do what you have to do. Is this final in your mind, or just the next step down the inevitable road? I see a bit of your sitch in mine because I never have to see the OM and around the house and kids we still behave normally. It is really hard to see these things end like this but you seem to be well loved here and probably closer to home, so take care of yourself and may you have peace with whatever happens. You deserve that.
WCB, Oh honey... Even when prepared for that outcome, it's still a 2nd bomb to contend with. Allow yourself some tears. You can indulge yourself for this moment of time. I've seen how much you've grown and know that you will be even better for having endured this painful experience. As they say, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." When you've gotten out the tears, how about treating yourself. A massage or pedicure or a day at the baths. And maybe some more flirtinis! I'm curious by the way, what is in that?
Well, you and I were both hoping he would wake up before the D...but you and I also know you can get through this. I've been D'd now for a bit more than 3 months...I'm still alive and doing well!
That's not to say it was easy. I still have a few bad times now and then, but I have gotten used to this new life, and it's pretty good most of the time. There's a lot of drama I don't have to deal with now, and that is good. Even the stuff going on with XH and OW...I can wonder and watch, but in the end, it's not my problem to fix. And if he ends up living his life with her, well, that's his problem.
I guess the think I like the most is that now XH has made his choice, one I still think was wrong, I get to choose for myself from here on out. I don't have to be tied to any decisions he makes, I don't have to be his support and his cheerleader unless I chose to. I can talk to him if I want, and if he's driving me crazy acting like a juvenile, I get to ignore him and pass the phone to the kids. And in a very strange way, while I have much less money to spend on anything fun, what I do have is for ME! I don't have to consider whether XH wants something new before I treat myself!
You will always love your H, and you will always feel regret that it ended. But you can also move forward at the same time, and you will!
And yes, your H will regret it. Mine does now, but the D had to become final and he had to live the life before he could get rid of the fantasy of what he thought it would be. My H was in no way ready to give up the divorce as long as he thought it might improve his life...it hasn't. Now he feels he made a bad choice, but he also feels stuck.
So, yes, go get the lawyer. Protect yourself and make some plans based on what YOU want. If you someday get to the point where you think he is the kind of man you want to be with again, you can reconcile just as well after the D as before - sometimes easier, because they see it's not what they thought it would be.
Hugs Beth. Yes he's an a$$ and yes he will regret. Meanwhile, this step is exactly what YOU want to make it. It can be a mere piece of paper or it can be the end or it can something in between. You get to decided, and better still, you can change your mind over time too.
(((Beth))) I am sorry you got the news that we all don't want to get. Maybe once the papers are filed it may hit your H that he could lose you forever if the divorce goes through. He may back out or drag the divorce out. At least that's what has happened in my sitch. H even told me that he knew once the D was finalized that I would be gone for good and he wasn't ready for that. But now I'm the one going through with the D because I am tired of living in Limbo Land while he's living in Never Never Land.
Hang in there sweetie, it's just one of many obstacles we have to go through and in the end you'll be a stronger woman.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Thanks everyone! I'm going out to lunch with a friend so I can't write much but I just wanted to thank all of you so much for your caring words of support and kindness. I guess I will need to mourn the loss of my marriage and all the hopes and dreams that went with it. I will survive this and be stronger, but it is going to be so very hard. I will write more later!
Thanks again - WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Please know that we are all here for you... We love you, Beth! I am leaving for work right now, so I do not have much time to write... Please e-mail if you would like, okay? (kgrayson30@aol.com)... You will be in my thoughts and prayers all day... I am so sorry to hear your news. I love ya, Bethie...
xoxo... -OC Kim
