Hi Beth you are sounding so good back to being a Wonder Woman so welcome back. Now you bunch of pi$$ heads you do sound like you have all been having fun whilst I have been away but I must admit I have had a couple of good nights out over my break so I can't be too jealous.
On something you mentioned on the other page Beth I agree with the other' my WAH had BIG self esteem issues, he never thought he was good enough (hang up from his childhood) always doubted himself, doubted his ability to handle anything really so what did I do help him learn to overcome this by doing most things for him. Along the way I also taught him to stand up for himself but guess what the only person he has stood up to is me. OW definately stroked his ego and something else for awhile there but as for the older man/younger woman thing - No not my case it was older woman/younger man she had a dumb blonde toy boy and thought it was fantastic until she noticed he was still bonded to me and not a strong person, so yes my WAH had and still has self esteem issues.
Sorry slight hijack there, oh well let me know about anymore of these exotic drinks as they sound fab. Glad to see you are so centered at the moment Beth it is great so keep it up and I will catch you soon.....Kim
Nothing new here. H did want to know the dates for our spring break vacation. Is he going? Is he not? Who knows. The kids and I are going no matter what. So, we'll see. I am doing my best not to read anything into that.
So where are you going Beth? Somewhere far far away from limbo land? I hope it's somewhere warm, so you can thaw out!
Screw'm. Pass me a martini. I failed the cabanna boy app. and I'm really not sure I'm boofy, but I'm fun to drink with LOL
Aaawh Al ~ You'll always be a Brainy BBB (Big Boofy Bloke) to me Speaking of Bs where is that Bathsheba ~ has someone done her in?
Kim you reckon these guys will know what a pi$$head is?
So where are you going Beth? Somewhere far far away from limbo land? I hope it's somewhere warm, so you can thaw out!
Yep, going somewhere very warm! Should be fun!
Well, just when you think you have detached and nothing can phase you, my heart is on the rollercoaster again. I know it is a temporary thing, but it is still hard. I guess I realize that I do still love my H. That has never changed and probably never will. It is just so hard to really let go when I see him and talk to him and things are so cordial and easy. (sound familiar, Al?) It's just hard to believe that I am on the road to divorce. And I don't really think he wants to divorce me. So WTF are we doing? After reading some other posts about conflict- avoiders, that is so me. I wondered if I was passive-agressive but I think I'm more of a CA. I think H is probably more pa with a little ca. Make sense? We always seemed to avoid the big conflicts. Those big white elephants in the room. I am getting better. I've had to deal with LOTS of conflict over the last 16 months. Can't believe it has been that long. He just seems so incapable of making any kind of decision right now. I guess I just need to find more patience. Nothing will change soon, and even if we do decide to D, my life won't change much from what it is now. I am already on mt own, taking care of the kids, dog, house, and myself. And I'm doing pretty well. Am getting a life. Having fun. So what am I afraid of? I'm already doing this!
Sorry about the big ramble. Just needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening (or reading as the case may be!)
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Yes Beth sounds very familiar. It is very hard when you see them and you behave "normally" when you do. I have the bonus of seeing her AND OM about half the time which tends to speed up the process a bit.
Sorry about the big ramble Why do we all apologise for rambling? Rambling is good, ramble away.
Yes, I read that too and I too think I am a bit of a ca. I also think wah is a big caca!
No seriously, he just did not know how to have an argument, or even a discussion. I would keep things in, until I could say it nicely, he just kept it all in until he walked. Still keeping it in as we still have not discussed the real reasons he left, only the b/s ones he told everyone.
Sorry you are feeling that way Beth. I find detachment easy cos mine is more a caca than a sweetheart, but your wah seems to show a lot of love regularly, which would make it hard. I hope it all falls into place
Ok Beth, you apologise for rambling. I'll apologise for hijacking
Hey Beth sorry you are not feeling very up today but you will soon I am sure. I agree with Kismet ramble away that's what this is for and after all this is your thread. Silly girl.
Now Kismet i don't know if they will know what a pi$$head is but hey they haven't asked so i am guessing they know.
Now how about a joke for Beth, Kismet you have heaps of them and then Beth can go and pour herself a Merlot, or Martini or whatever else tickles her fancy....
I know this has been very difficult for you, but you have shown such strength and growth. It amazes me how far you have come in your situation. The fact is you have grown tremendously through this process... And, you continue to grow. I can see such a difference in your postings now. Even when you feel down you sound so much better than you did when I first began reading your posts. I see such a quick turnaround when you seem to be "missing your H". I am impressed with how well you cope and deal with your feelings... Good for you, Bethie!
I know it is so frustrating to not completely understand what your H is feeling. IMO, the emotions you are feeling are natural... Those emotions and good memories are hard to let go. I hope you can get to the point where you are okay with not understanding and can move on feeling great about yourself. And, I hope that throughout all of this you have found out what an amazing woman you truly are! We all care and love you, Beth!... Thinking of you, -KIM
Quote: Am getting a life. Having fun. So what am I afraid of? I'm already doing this!
Never apologize for a ramble, cause you know we are right here to ramble with you. You're not on a deadline here honey...don't make a mistake that the both of you may live to regret...slow it down then?
Babe, this was a turning point for me in therapy when she asked what my greatest fear was and then told me I had already faced it head on.
Wonder what the percentage of women are CAs? It seems like it's been a pretty common trend around here lately...
NYS, you about? You seem to be the expert here...do you think it's something that we learn from our parental role models? I don't remember seeing that part on your post, or did I miss it...I know 2x4 me baby...2x4 me (hmmm...thinking I should change my name from SnS to 2x4?)
It is very hard when you see them and you behave "normally" when you do. I have the bonus of seeing her AND OM about half the time which tends to speed up the process a bit.
Al - It is hard when everything on the surface seems so normal. And I don't have to deal with OW - never met her and the kids don't even know about her. I guess it spares me some pain. And no irritating coughing in the background!
Sorry you are feeling that way Beth. I find detachment easy cos mine is more a caca than a sweetheart, but your wah seems to show a lot of love regularly, which would make it hard. I hope it all falls into place
Kismet - you crack me up! I love you calling your wah a caca! LOL!!! But yes, my H is still very sweet and loving toward me. Can be VERY confusing. I do believe he is passive-aggressive though with some ca thrown in. And has his head stuck up his rear.
Now how about a joke for Beth, Kismet you have heaps of them and then Beth can go and pour herself a Merlot, or Martini or whatever else tickles her fancy....
Thanks for that suggestion KDU! I can always use a good laugh! Do you feel put on the spot Kismet? I'm waiting....
The fact is you have grown tremendously through this process... And, you continue to grow. I can see such a difference in your postings now. Even when you feel down you sound so much better than you did when I first began reading your posts. I see such a quick turnaround when you seem to be "missing your H". I am impressed with how well you cope and deal with your feelings...
Hi there OCKim! Thanks for popping in! I do turn around much faster that I used to. That's a good thing! Early on I could ponder one sentence for days. No more of that! I'm glad to see you are doing better! I'll post more on your thread!
You're not on a deadline here honey...don't make a mistake that the both of you may live to regret...slow it down then?
I'm trying! I feel so stuck right now. Like the movie Groundhog Day. Just living through this over and over and over and over...well, you get the idea! It's hard emotionally. I am detaching but with the small amount of hope I have left, I am still emotionally invested. I remember reading in DR that at some point we have to make the decision that we have done all we can and it is time to let go and move on. I have done all I can. And I know that this is not a healthy place for me to be for much longer. So no time lines but I also know that soon I have to do something. And no, you don't need any 2X4's. I know what your talking about! It is so hard to keep up with everything here on the board! I can't even keep up with my own thread, let alone others!!!
Journaling:
I think I know what hit me so hard today. Was reading posts on the separated forum and a WAH with the screen name finally_free posted there. He could be MY H. I know he isn't really my H but so much of my H's complaints about me were written in his thread! I have debated about replying but I think I will wait. His posts really hit a nerve (not bad, just reliving VERY difficult things) with me. It brought up all those dreadful memories right after the bomb. It hurt, but was also theraputic. I thought I had dealt with all of those issues but my reaction to the post lets me know I need to feel them once more, process them, and then really let them go. I think I have done that, and I do feel better now. As the LBS, we do sometimes feel like the victim. But there are 2 people in a marriage and both contribute to the problems. It is hard to deal with those issues when you are hurting so badly but it is important to know the role you played in the breakdown of the marriage and then figure out what you need to do to change it. I have been doing that. It is hard, but it saved me.
So, how many of you are still reading this after the mega-post? Congratulations! For what, I don't know. But it sounds good!
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Just got off the phone with H. We are getting divorced. He is such an a@@. But, he will regret this day. Maybe not now, but later. When he realizes he did have a good life. So, now I am faced with the task of rebuilding my life. And I will. It won't be easy, but nothing has been easy so far and I am still here. Yes, I may be crying my eyes out, but I know I will make it. Guess it is time to find a lawyer.
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Speaking of Bs where is that Bathsheba ~ has someone done her in?
