Remeber, a D is just a piece of paper. From personal experience, I would not write that letter, OR try to fix her or the situation. It will most likely backfire. As suggested - LISTEN. She must make these decisions for herself.
I know this is hard for you. My XW said something similar " I want to be on my own ". Well, she got it, loved it at first, but now admits it isn't what she wants. She still doesn't know what she wants
Back to you. Don't push her for answers, she will feel backed into a corner. If she wants a D then do it. You can not ratonalize with her at this point. You are the enemy in her eyes. If you can, and be fair to yourself, do whatever she asks, and don't question if she is "sure" she wants this. Allow her to initiate the D process - if that is what she wants. You are not giving up, you are detaching and meeting her with love.
Any others have some input here?
M: 35; Together 14 years - married 5.5 no children Bomb 22-JAN-2005; D a few months later First real relationship post D just ended ( 7 months ):(
