Hi, how is your weekend going? I wanted to thank you for recommending Surviving Infidelity to me. I got it yesterday and have started reading it. I wish I'd bought this book first, back last summer! It's already helped me a lot. Did you go visit your kitties and your H. this weekend? I await your next post! Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Egawds...the PHONE issue...so I am not alone here with this. Funny Bryce (Daves Best Friend) and I were talking the other night about this. I always told Dave to go out and have guy time. It was something that I thought was just important. A little male bonding..you know. Anyway, all I ever asked was that he gave me a guestimate of when he was going to be home...would he be home for dinner. I'd call if I heard nothing from him. He'd never call back. I rarely did much as far as going out without him. I'll never forget one night I was out with a GF meeting her new BF Dave must have called about 10 times in a matter of 2hrs. Finally I was soooo embarrassed I said that I really needed to get home that my daughter wasn't feeling well. I got in the car and called him back (I had been ignoring his calls) and I said you know I really never go out...what's up...he said oh just checking to make sure you were okay...like you do me. ARGH!!!!
Bryce told me that Dave had said to him on several occassions "Yeah, had to lay down the law and tell her that I was going out tonight with you." When he told me that the other night, I laughed in hysterics. He really did have an issue there about being a man...because it was me always pushing him out to go do things. I think he had to prove himself to his best friend and pretend that he was in control of our R. But honestly, I never cared...as long as I knew he was okay it was all good.
Hope - I'm glad that you are finding that book helpful. I haven't finished it, but from what i did read, it was very helpful. How was your weekend? Mine was pretty quiet.
Visited my kitties yesterday. Of course, H was home when i got there...he's so predictable. It was a good visit. He called me last night...to tell me that he thinks I'm hot...to which i replied "i know." Of course he made some comment about having boyfriends knocking down my door. I said, hang on, there's one now. He's too much! I will see him later, as he is coming to the doctor with me...today is my "surgery"...not looking forward to that...oh well.
That's about it for me today...pretty boring. Have a good day!
I hope everything goes very well today; is your H. going with you? I thought you had said he was at one point. Be sure to let us know how things are when you feel up to it, ok? I did finish the book; it was very insightful. It really broke down the types of A’s and why they occur. Helped me to understand a little better. This was one of the better self-help books I’ve read. So, thanks! A very quiet weekend for me. I did a lot of thinking. No decisions made but I know I can’t live this way for a long period of time. I know some of the ladies here have given their situations several years. I think if H. doesn’t come around in the next several months, then he’s never going to. I do not wish to throw away any more of my life. Sorry to hijack; I’ll post more on my thread. Hugs to you.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope- No hijack at all. Yes, H is coming with me. I just hope this goes quick...last time i was there forever!
I never thought that i would still be here after 14 months. I can remember saying, when i first moved out, that i would only let this go 6 months. Then, it was a year. Obviously i can't keep my word. I don't know how much longer i will hang on. I think that my H is probably waiting until May to file...at that time we will be separated 18 months and he can file for D based on "no-fault." So, i am thinking that i probably only have 4 months to go. Its interesting. I was thinking back to something he wrote me last summer. He had sent me an email and in it he wrote that he can't let go. I remembered this today b/c i have been trying to figure out what his intentions were...i couldn't understand why he hasn't filed for D already. He keeps saying he can't believe that he is considering it, and i always thought it was such BS. But, i truly believe that he can't let go of me and us. I don't think he can give me up. I don't know if thats good or bad. Good, if it means he will want to work on the M. But bad if he continues to drag this out. I just can't figure him out. But, i guess i should stop trying to...i never will.
I can understand why you hang on though. I mean from what you share here, you have much better interaction with your H. than I do. He calls you to compliment you, you see him on your visits to your home, etc. I don’t receive any of that so I think my situation is far more negative. We don’t know what your H. is thinking, but he is giving you more positive signs, so I can see why you would hang in there. If I were getting that kind of response from my H. I would definitely be doing the same thing. They say we’ll know when we’ve had enough. I hope we are at peace with it, when the time comes. Frankly, I’m scared I won’t be. Good luck today!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thanks hope- There are times when i do believe that our R is taking a turn for the better. But, i am so suspicious of him that i find it hard to really hold on to that. I don't know what to make of him...he is so baffling. I just hope that if he is planning on filing, then he won't drag it out too much longer. I mean, its great for him, as he has obviously moved on. But, here i stand...can't go backwards and can't go forwards...so, i am literally stuck. I just wish i could know for sure what he is thinking. But, i can't. So, here i stand, hoping that my H will come to his senses.
I love the idea (actually I hate it, but you know what i mean) about being unable to go backward or forward. I feel that way too and it is powerful. If this is what it feels like to be controlled by someone, I can understand why my W has issues. Were you a jealous or suspicious person before all this?
TMU- In the beginning of our R, i was suspicious of my H, but that mostly had to do with how our R started. After he proposed, my suspicions went away. There were times when i would get jealous, but nothing out of the ordinary. I never would have thought in a million years that my H would cheat on me...thats how much i trusted him. But, the past 2+ years, that trust has been shaken, and i hate to say that i really doubt anything that comes out of his mouth. Why, then, would i want to be with him? I don't know.
Good luck today! Hope it goes fast and that your H helps you through it.
I might have mentioned this book before but it really helped me and I think it might be of help in your sitch: How to Divorce as Friends by Bill Ferguson. THe idea being that you can have a friendly divorce or even let go enough to maybe work on it again. It is a simple powerful book that has you look at yourself and challenges you to give the R permission to end...again it does not mean you give up on it but that you release the outcome. Not that this book "cured" me but it was a huge help and I refer to it often.
hang in there. I will sending some good karma your way today!!!
hugs, brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
