Speaking of pets, I have two, and H. is gone so frequently (living his carefree, do-what-I-want lifestyle) that I wouldn’t want him tending to our pets right now. Puppy is especially dependent on someone being at home, and I don’t think H. is up to it. Some days it’s nearly too much for him to take good care of himself!
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
SS- I wish that it had been my decision to move out. The first time i moved out it was more of a mutual decision and i had more options of places to go. After i moved back home when we attempted reconciliation, my H left and lived with his brother and his wife for about 2 1/2 months. But, my H basically forced me out the second time. I didn't want to go. He insisted that i contribute more money towards house expenses (i had been paying $800 a month and after he moved out, he made me pay $1500 a month, which was virtually impossible for me...but i think he did it b/c he thought it would force me to move...it didn't...i paid it, which i am sure pissed him off). Those 2 months or so that he was out, he was so nasty to me and basically harrassed me until i agreed to leave again. And, of course he told me that things would get better if i left. Thats my story...
I've thought the same thing...do i miss my cats more than my H? Sometimes, yes!
Imdi, I'm sorry it wasn't your decision to move. I don't mean to suggest that my moving out was what I wanted. I agreed to it as a condition of him staying with me for Christmas and not going to England to see his family. But I will admit it has taken some of the stress off things. For me it means I don't have to stay up and wonder when he'll be home from happy hour. He gets to have some time to himself to actually start to come out of the fog.
Hope, I can see how a puppy would be too much for your H to handle. I'm now living in a house with a parrot and three dogs, one of which is a puppy. My experience is with cats and from my perspective dogs, especially puppies, are a lot of work.
I'm lucky my H feeds and pets our cats and changes the kitty litter. it's actually an improvement. When things were at their worst, my H stopped feeding the cats (it had always been his job) and completely ignored them. It seemed very similar to how many WAH acted toward their children.
H called last night 2x (again). First time he called, i was at the mall and didn't hear my phone ring. He left a message that said he had made appointment for the vet and to call him back (couldn't he have just included day and time with the message?). He called about an hour later, this time i was having dinner. This message said "second time in 2 days you don't call me back" and then left day and time for vet appointment and to call him back to let him know if i would be attending the appointment. I called him back and left him a message and then he called me back a few minutes later...we spoke for a bit. His attitude in the second message was not pleasant...he was annoyed. What is it with him? I can't figure it out. But, it does make me laugh. Again, i inadvertantly went "dim" and it was unsettling for him. The irony.
This sounds all too familiar. As I said on my thread, I find nothing encouraging about it. I am only annoyed for the both of us. I still don’t know the reason (other than checking) that my H. called last night; whatever it was, he did not say. And you are right, they could just leave a message and not call continuously.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope- I almost cracked up when I read what your H did last night...it was like deja vu! I wasn't really annoyed...just amused at my H's antics. I wanted to say to him "oh, now you know what it feels like when i can't find you for days." But, i figured that was probably too inflammatory. But, come on, really...they amaze me!
Even when my H and I were getting along fine, we used to have phone issues. I could be at work doing a phone interview for a story and he'd call on the other line. I wouldn't answer because I was busy. Then he'd call my cell, which is fine since he didn't know if I was out of the office. But often he'd then call the office phone again. God forbid he couldn't get me immediately.
On the other side. When he would go out with some of his friends after work he would never even check his messages. I could call at 6 and not hear back until he was on his way home at 10. I've often wondered if this is because they don't want to appear to be told what to do by their W in front of other guys. Then again, I have been wrong before.
My H and I have had phone issues throughout our whole R, i think. When things were good b/w us, and he called me, he'd leave a message "you don't answer your phone" and hang up. Last summer, there were a few times when i didn't respond to him IMMEDIATELY and he flew off the handle. I mean, he was ridiculous...so nasty and just uncalled for. The thing that gets me is, how can he say anything, when there have been times when i couldn't reach him for days (like 4 or 5)...i'd leave messages, he wouldn't call back. And then tell me, oh, i didn't get the message. Whatever, total BS. It was b/c he was with his beast. So, i guess he is just assuming i am doing the same thing...serves him right!
Super, I think that is exactly right; they don’t want to appear as though they have to check in with their wife. Even if they really do want to call us, they won’t in front of the guys.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I am the one who answers my W's calls immediately and she goes for hours without answering hers. She usually has a reason (was at the park with the kids, left it in the car, etc) but God forbid if I don't answer on the first two rings. Even now, when we are going through this, she gets an attitude when I don't answer my phone. I believe you should always answer for your spouse if possible. If not, it should not be a big deal. Of course in our sitches, NOT answering is probably the right thing to do.
