Oh, Ellie, i was sooo excited when i saw you had responded to my post...you have quite the reputation around here...good of course. You know, i was thinking the same thing...these people on AI that go there saying how good they are and then they sing and you're like WTF? I could sing better than some of them. That blonde chick was a rip...i don't know which was worse, her voice or her personality...she appeared to be the dumbest person i have ever witnessed in my life. Well, thats kind of mean, but really...these poeople are too much!
Quote: i can see not only the improvement with our R, but with myself as well. So, its good to know that time does help heal the wounds.
That's so awesome lmdi. i'm glad you can see progress... with progress there is light. with light there is faith. with faith there is hope. with hope there is possibility... and with possibility there is love. so yay for you.
I think it’s wonderful that you can see progress. I definitely cannot. When you were 5-6 mo. post bomb how were things looking then? I know you’ve been at this a lot longer than me! Another weekend looms ahead; any plans? I feel like I’m at a lull in all this; how about you? Just going along, nothing changing either way. Mostly it feels like wasting my time, but I know I need patience. This seems like the hardest part for me. Hope you have a good day, Imdi.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hey hope- What i've come to realize is that i create my own destiny. I decide how i am going to react to something and i can choose to stop being negative about things. I don't know what will happen, but I have to believe that this is happening for a reason. And that whatever the outcome, i have learned so much about myself and about relationships that i think i will benefit in the future. Its all about perspective.
As far as how things looked 5-6 months post bomb, its hard to say. B/c i am not sure when the bomb was. After my H first suggested we separate back in 11/04, it was a separation that was supposed to help us. So, for those 5-6 months after, things were okay. We were still working on our M and did attempt reconciliation. I guess the second bomb was in 5/05 - this was after our reconciliation and when my H told me we needed to consider getting D. The weeks following that were awful...things were tense b/w us. There was a lot of anger on my H's part and he said a lot of very hurtful things to me. Eventually, things kind of evened out and it was tolerable. Although, at times, i felt like i couldn't do it anymore. I moved out again in 7/05. Over the past 5-7 months, there have certainly been ups and downs. But, i will honestly say that I feel like the R b/w my H and I improved over the past 6-8 weeks. There seems to be a lot less anger on his part and we laugh a lot more. He has also made attempts to see me more, as opposed to constantly avoiding me. I think everything ebbs and flows. There are times now when i think that there is still a chance for us. And there are times that i know the end is near. But, i just try to live for today and not look too far into the future. B/c what i have learned is that things can change so quickly. For example, when we attempted reconciliation, the week before i moved home, things were good b/w us. We were at his sisters wedding and we had such a good time...we were both so happy. The following week, i moved back home and the day i got home, everything was different, even from the night before. Now, granted this isn't a very positive example, but i think you get my point. Nothing is written in stone. Things can change at the drop of a hat. There were other times when my H was convinced that he was done, and then a day or 2 later, he was committed to our M. So, you just never know. This isn't logical...its emotional, and emotions usually don't make sense.
In the end, i think you will know what is right for you, when it is right. I just pray that you will find peace, whatever the resolution is for you. Hang in there.
Not much new to report. H called last evening. He gave several reasons for his call...to find out about the traffic, to tell me he hadn't yet called the vet, and about filing our taxes this year. The last 2 things could have obviously waited. We chatted and laughed a bit. He called 2 more times later, to see if i was watching American Idol. But, i only saw the calls this morning. I fell asleep last night at like 7:00 and never heard my phone ring, which is odd...i must have been really tired. So, I inadvertantly went dark last night...much easier to do, by the way.
Hope - no real plans this weekend. Family party on Saturday and then lunch on Sunday with some girlfriends. I am looking forward to lunch, as the restaurant makes good martinis...looking forward to tossing back a few of those. What about you...any plans? BTW - how far are you from the city? We should try to meet there one weekend...
So good of you to share all of that. Thanks. I know you’ve been through so much already, and you still hang in there. I don’t think my H. is going to be as patient as yours. In my situation, as you know, I live in our house; H. is staying in a house w/roommates that a family member owns. In his eyes, I have all the homey comforts and should have no complaints. He misses our house and what we have there; he just doesn’t want to live there with me. If we were in a situation like yours, where I moved out and he lived there, I am sure he would allow a lot more time before he decided to file. But given that it’s the way it is, he isn’t likely to let this drag on for much longer. As he tells me, he needs to live his life. I think he needs to wrap up his old one before he can do that. I do hope that your situation works out in your best interest. You have worked so hard to save your M. and that is admirable. You are right, things can change so quickly. I have already seen this happen in just the last few months. One never really knows.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hope- I don't know how patient my H is. When i moved back home, he moved out about a week later. And after a few days, he was insisting that i move back out. I stalled for about 2 months, but he just made it so unbearable. The things he said and did while i still lived there were appalling. He was so nasty. He basically harrassed me until i left. If i was still living there, and he wasn't, i can bet you that things b/w us would be a lot different. But, he got what he wanted...and i didn't.
My H called a little while ago. Of course he mentioned that he called me 2x last night. I said, yeah, i saw the calls this morning...i fell asleep at like 7p. So, we chatted a bit, and then he says, "i was just calling to see if you were alive." And then he says something about my "suspect sleeping story." I was like "what?!?" He said something else about it being suspicious that i was asleep so early last night...and i said to him "you have to bust my b..ls." He said, yes. Oh, he is sooo predictable. I knew he would be annoyed that i didn't call him back. And besides, why does he care what i am doing and when...since he doesn't want to be with me. Sometimes, he is just sooo exhausting!
Just curious why you decided to move out and not make your H leave. I did the same because it meant I was more in control and I knew where my H would be at the end of the day. It also meant he had to take some responsibility and look after our cats.
Here's something to ponder: Do I miss my cats or my H more?
