Hey hope- What i've come to realize is that i create my own destiny. I decide how i am going to react to something and i can choose to stop being negative about things. I don't know what will happen, but I have to believe that this is happening for a reason. And that whatever the outcome, i have learned so much about myself and about relationships that i think i will benefit in the future. Its all about perspective.
As far as how things looked 5-6 months post bomb, its hard to say. B/c i am not sure when the bomb was. After my H first suggested we separate back in 11/04, it was a separation that was supposed to help us. So, for those 5-6 months after, things were okay. We were still working on our M and did attempt reconciliation. I guess the second bomb was in 5/05 - this was after our reconciliation and when my H told me we needed to consider getting D. The weeks following that were awful...things were tense b/w us. There was a lot of anger on my H's part and he said a lot of very hurtful things to me. Eventually, things kind of evened out and it was tolerable. Although, at times, i felt like i couldn't do it anymore. I moved out again in 7/05. Over the past 5-7 months, there have certainly been ups and downs. But, i will honestly say that I feel like the R b/w my H and I improved over the past 6-8 weeks. There seems to be a lot less anger on his part and we laugh a lot more. He has also made attempts to see me more, as opposed to constantly avoiding me. I think everything ebbs and flows. There are times now when i think that there is still a chance for us. And there are times that i know the end is near. But, i just try to live for today and not look too far into the future. B/c what i have learned is that things can change so quickly. For example, when we attempted reconciliation, the week before i moved home, things were good b/w us. We were at his sisters wedding and we had such a good time...we were both so happy. The following week, i moved back home and the day i got home, everything was different, even from the night before. Now, granted this isn't a very positive example, but i think you get my point. Nothing is written in stone. Things can change at the drop of a hat. There were other times when my H was convinced that he was done, and then a day or 2 later, he was committed to our M. So, you just never know. This isn't logical...its emotional, and emotions usually don't make sense.
In the end, i think you will know what is right for you, when it is right. I just pray that you will find peace, whatever the resolution is for you. Hang in there.
