I am so sad for us most of the time. I know I am supposed to be positive, but really, for such senseless crap to be put on such good people is really, well, senseless. I too hope my W finally gets it but I don't know (especially after last night...see my new thread) if that will be anytime soon. It seems like with all the "I don't know what I want" crap they throw around, one of the things that would occur to them is "hey, maybe I want to stop being an a$$hole and realize that my spouse, who has their faults and blame in all this too, is really trying to make this work, so maybe I could give that a try too." Ah, but no, that never seems to be one of the things they don't know if they want. They are SO unsure of everything in the known and unknown universe except that our marriages are over. Funny how that one sparkling nugget of BS is what they cling to. Anyway, more work to do on us, more work for them to do on reality. May the two meet someday!
Hey PandDBing- No intrusion at all...i welcome your feedback! H and I are intimate probably about once per week. It is usually when i am "visiting" my cats. I would say, over the past 6 to 8 weeks, my H has made more attempts to have face to face contact with me. He used to avoid coming home while i was still at the house. But, now, he doesn't seem to mind as much. So, that is a positive. I could stop for a while and see what happens. He might not notice, b/c as i said, its usually not planned...it just happens. So, i will try it this weekend and see what happens. Thanks!
Thanks TTS- Its funny, b/c my H used to say that i couldn't have my cake and eat it too (but, it was more in relation to me living in our house when we reconciled)...ironic!
I do believe that my H knows what this is doing to me. He is constantly telling me what a good person i am and that i am special. And i believe he blames himself for my weight loss...oh well, he should. I think he does feel bad or guilty or whatever.
It is difficult to maintain dignity for myself, without pushing my H away. That is the dilemma that i have now in terms of the intimacy issue.
I do try to figure him out and make sense of this. But, i think that most of the time i am thinking with my heart. Thats my problem.
Thanks for checking in...and thanks for the hugs...hugs to you too!
Hope- When my H and i went to the mediator, we talked about all of the big issues...selling the house, pension, alimony, etc. We also listed all of the other items (cats, furniture, dvd's cds, etc). The mediator made a list of all of these things. However, when we got the first draft of the agreement, all of those items (furniture,etc) weren't included. When my H called the mediator to point that out, he said he didn't have any list. So, then my H and I each wrote out the things that we wanted (luckily, i had kept a copy of a list that i had originally made). Between the 2 of us, we made changes and came up with the final list. We signed the agreement that the mediator prepared, and also signed copies of the lists that we had made. I don't know if my mediator just screwed up, which i think he did b/c we had talked about all of those little items for almost an hour and he wrote them down, or if its just not included as a rule.
Hope that was helpful...ask me anything else if you have other questions.
No, we didn't list each DVD by name...i just put "DVDs of my choice." Same with CDs. Furniture was listed specifically "Green leaf chair in family room." "All lenox china, crystal and silverware, except for floral vase." Things like that.
Thanks. I wasn't sure how this worked. I think I understand it a little better. Not planning on compiling a list yet but if need be, I can present the idea to H. so we can do it fairly.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
No problem hope...i hope it was helpful...ask more questions of me if you need to...
So, no contact from H since our interaction on Monday. I called him last night at home b/c i was watching American Idol and I wanted to see if he was watching too (this was something we did together). Anyway, no answer at home. I didn't bother with his cell, b/c he probably wouldn't have answered anyway. Tuesday nights might be a childfree night for ow, so he might have been with her. No call from him today, although my MIL did call. Trying very hard not to let the bad thoughts get the best of me. I re-read some journal entries last night from the past months, and i can see not only the improvement with our R, but with myself as well. So, its good to know that time does help heal the wounds.
Do you think people like that blonde chick on AI really don't know their singing isn't great? Maybe tone-deafness runs in the family so none of them know????
