Thanks hope- First, let me share my ignorance and tell you i have no idea where the north shore of LI is. I think i have been to LI maybe 3-4 times my whole life. My cousin and his wife just bought a house there though (she's from LI)...i think their house is in Plandome Manor...although i have no idea where that is. It would be great to meet you and Sassy...we can discuss as it gets closer.
I don't think you were trying to talk me into doing anything...i appreciate you being candid and honest with me about a very sensitive topic. I think part of my problem is my inability to make decisions...whether i can't or won't. I guess i just don't know what the right thing to do is. I have thought that maybe he would have more respect for me if i made this decision, b/c as my shrink pointed out: there was definitely no hope if there was no respect. But, then i wonder if my H is really thinking about it that much. Or if it is just a physical act. I know i can't worry about what he thinks/feels...only about me. But, it is terribly hard...i know that you understand. I just wish there was an easy answer...an easy way to figure this all out. The other night, i was laying in bed, crying my eyes out b/c i am just so tired. And thinking about all of the things that are so different now. I miss spending time with his family, and i miss him spending time with my family. I miss the summers at the beach, just hanging out...him in the kitchen cooking with my mother. And i just don't know where all of that went, or how or why. You know, my H said to me once how the one thing that i knew he could never forgive me for was betraying him, and that is what he feels that i did. But, i realize that the man i married, the man that loved me more than life itself, would never want to live without me and that man would figure out a way to get past it. But, something, or someone, is in the way. Even though he won't admit it, it is obvious that there is more to this than just what i did. I guess i will never understand his motives, his rationale behind his actions. I just hope that one day, he realizes what he has done.
