Blast of confusion, coupled with delusion

[hopefloats7]

Imdi,

First, of course you can get in on it! I am meeting Sassy in my area I think (Sassy? Confirm?) Sun. the 29th. We’re meeting for lunch unless her plans change. I don’t know how long of a drive this would be for you; I live on the north shore of LI. I think she is going into the city too, so perhaps you would rather meet up with her there (shorter for you?)
Let me say I am not trying to talk you into doing anything; I merely wanted to share with you how it is on the “other side” of this so to speak. I didn’t have the strength to stop this w/H. but I am actually glad he made the decision for us both. Maybe he could sense I wasn’t strong enough on my own. I know how your heart feels; I still feel the same way. It is so scary to let go of yet another part of your R., especially something so intimate. At first I was very hurt, but you know, I began to think about H. and how he is still with o.w. (and Lord knows who else now). Do I really want to share myself with someone who is behaving like that? No, I don’t. I still love H. but I want no part of such a sordid situation. I never would have willingly placed myself in this mess, believe me. This is not who I am.
Now, I wouldn’t necessarily say that the end is coming closer if you cease the intimacy with your H. I say that because I think this has allowed H. to gain some respect back for me. How could he respect me when he would be with me, then leave and go off with o.w.? Who knows what he must have thought of me during those times, or what he thought of himself. Like you, I would feel temporarily better about my situation after being with him, but honestly Imdi, I was fooling myself. My situation has not improved at all. I know in my case I was reading too much into the action.
Anyway, when he explained it to me, he said he didn’t feel that we should be doing that “right now”, and not that he meant, never again. I guess a part of me hoped that he was trying to say that he was still going through this crisis and hoped he would come out of it and we might be back together someday.
It does make sense how he cannot experience the true loss because there IS no loss. That’s exactly correct. The fact that you realize this is a huge step. No one can tell you what the right thing to do is in your case. Only you can decide that. I’m only offering what it’s like once you get past the decision. I may never be with H. again, but I am ok with that, because I realize now that maintaining that was not bringing him back to me. If anything, I feel like it might have made matters worse, because I was losing his respect.
Hugs, Imdi. Hang in there. I am going to order that book tonight. Thanks!