No need to feel selfish; you have no idea how many times I’ve thought of you in my very lower moments through all of this. We have never met in person, but I feel like I know you so well. I know exactly how you feel, but I can tell you that having had the decision made FOR me by H., I think it was the right thing to do (to stop). It is so painful to admit but I do feel like I was allowing myself to be used. I was trying to convince myself that it was ok, because we are still legally married and this is my H., but that’s just it…he isn’t really my H. right now. Not emotionally; only on paper. I do think he is trying to protect me somewhat, by stopping. For one thing, I think he’s been with more than just o.w. so there is that aspect of it; for another, I think he thought he was sending me mixed signals by continuing. He is being adamant about not coming back, so he feels he should stop being with me (I might take it as leading me on?). I’m digressing here, but the point is that I think telling H. no might gain you some control and strength. I understand it’s scary to take things away from your interaction with him, but for me, I wouldn’t go back. If H. says he wants to give things a chance, then at some point we might revisit that aspect of our R., but I won’t do anything with him again unless we get to that point. It’s allowed me to have some self-respect again, and I can’t go backwards. I hope it’s helped you to hear about my experience. Sorry, Imdi, that you even have to consider it. I know how awful this is, but I’m so grateful to know I’m not alone. Let me know how things are going.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
