As usual, your post is so similar to my own thoughts. I, too, would most likely welcome anything other than more limbo. I have the same moments when I think I’ll be ok, and I want this to end so I can move on, but then the reality hits and I can’t make the decision. But, I do view this as progress because there was a time when I never would have thought about ending this limbo or that I’d be ok without H. Imdi, regarding what you talked to your counselor about, I can say this to you. My H. was the one to put a stop to that aspect of our R. I do not know why for certain, but I have some ideas (that he may be with others besides o.w.). He told me he did not think it was a good idea right now, for us to continue doing that. I think stopping this has helped me. I wasn’t strong enough to put an end to it, but now I’m glad my H. did, because it has allowed me to break away a little bit more from him emotionally. I think it was confusing me, even though I was denying it. You might find that if you stop it will help you regain some strength from all of this. I know you have reservations about saying no, but it will make your H. respect you and notice that you are gaining your independence from him. These are good things, Imdi. Not to mention he really shouldn’t have his cake and eat it too, as they say. I can talk more about this with you off the boards if you want. As for your husband acting jealous thinking you might have a bf, I would say that it’s better than him being indifferent. My H. has told me he wants me to see other people; that it would help me feel better about our problems. I think I’d rather see him act jealous because then at least I’d know he cared and didn’t really want me with any other guy.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
