Hope- I don't think my H is necessarily comfortable with the idea of not having me in his life at all. I think this is where his struggle comes in right now. He thinks D is the only answer, the right thing to do, but with that comes the complete loss of me. And i don't think he is ready for that...i am not sure he understands what that means. Right now, he calls me up late at night, when he is sad or doesn't feel well, b/c i am the only one who understands him, the only one who can comfort him. Well, whats he gonna do if we D? Leave ow in bed in the middle of the night to call me? Hmmm, i think i might actually take pleasure in that. But, seriously, has he really, truly thought about what it would be like? I don't think so.
I have thought about, if he came back to me, what our life would be like. Would we ever have kids? Would i be able to trust him? Would he do this crap again? I don't want to have to worry about that. So, in a way, i understand his "quality of life" reasoning. But, i guess that is why we would need to work together on re-building that trust. I guess he is not up for it.
I don't know if he knows that i want him to call me. He may just be too busy with his life with the beast that he isn't giving me a second thought. Perhaps it doesn't affect him as much as it does me.
Thank you for saying that i am doing well...sometimes i wonder. But, we are in this together...pinky swear?
