Blast of confusion, coupled with delusion

[hopefloats7]

I echo your posts, Trying and Imdi. In talking with some of my family members, I, too, feel as though they see me as foolish for sticking it out this long. They try to push me to create a deadline…if H. isn’t back by X, then I will file and move. They do not understand the rollercoaster, nor do they see any hope. The only place I find support anymore is here on the board.
I know this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. It is worse than a death. At least with someone passing, there is peace, there is a loving way to say goodbye, there is no fighting, jealousy, nasty remarks, mental games, or pain of o.p. involved.

Imdi, I don’t mean to hijack, but I want to say this here: I want H. to come to me and tell me that he stays away because he knows I deserve better than he is able to be right now. I want him to say he’s not back home out of respect for me; that he is going through something that won’t allow him to be the faithful husband I deserve to be with.
If he could say something like that, I think I would feel a weight lift from me.