Quote: I denied that it was a problem b/c I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to bring up what I knew would be a huge issue with major fallout. I have never thought of myself as a conflict avoider, but when it comes to major emotional issues, I've discovered that I am. Yes, I'll send back that overcooked steak; I'll call Nestle to complain that my popsicles were melted; I'll tell H to get off his butt and help me with the raking. But I never told him to stop drinking until he got arrested. I never told him how much it hurt me.
I think what NYS is saying is that your wife, as a conflict avoider, is still avoiding conflict with you. She may well *feel* trapped, even if she isn't. She's trapped within her own emotions (guilt, sadness, love), even though you've opened the cage door.
I don't know if this is making sense to you; it makes sense to me! Please ask if you want clarification.
Yes, every one to their rooms!!!...Nicole has translated from Venus to Mars language (for those of you who have read the book!)...Jumping up and down here...Nicole you hit it on the nail in Venetian...couldn't have translated it better.
FWIW, I am THE Mistress of Conflict Avoidance, probably the main reason why I became a WAW, didn't see it then but the more I learn about myself now, I can see it plain and clear...but I am trying...and really it is hard...it takes a partner who you can trust and who will work through it with you, with love, patience, respect for your feelings. Of course the key is to not lose the respect and still acknowledge the feelings of the person you are CAing with...it definitely takes work on both partners. I think the more and more I even explore this and learn about it, most of the women (except GF Tina) that I have known through my life have been CAs. It's probably something to do with girls playing with Barbies and boys playing with Army men and stuff for all I know.
Okay, back to work for me...and Nicole how in hell did you ask him to rake the leaves...sheesh, Spanky wouldn't even take out the trash unless I already was out there doing it.
